Bachelors and Balls

Today I dropped D off at the airport on his way to his friend E's bachelor party in sunny south Florida.  A bunch of guys that have been friends since they were in middle school are going... let the fun begin!  These boys are extremely immature. We aren't talking about a bunch of business men going on a trip. Oh no no. We're talking about full grown sixteen year olds completely unsupervised. I feel sorry for the other people that live, work, or are vacationing anywhere around their location. D was compiling a list of dares for E to do (insert eye roll). He tried to hide it from me but I saw one of them and it was "Drink Pee", so I think this trip may end badly health wise.

E and D at our wedding.  Jesus was frowning on the cross above them.

I'm not a jealous wife and he isn't a jealous husband, we just don't have that kind of relationship.  If he wants to have a hotel room full of strippers and guns that's fine with me (I'm exaggerating on the gun part).  I did have only one rule for this trip- DO NOT drink Four Loko.  For all of you that aren't as cool as me (read: 30 and in college), Four Loko is an energy drink with a TON of alcohol in it.  It will make you do stupid things like cross a four lane highway on a skateboard with a ferret.  Not okay.  Not to mention that D isn't as young and healthy as he once was, and I would venture a guess that the stuff doesn't mix well with blood pressure medication.  He'll be home Friday evening, I'm sure I won't have any pictures to post because he didn't bring a camera.... he thought he might lose it.  I reminded him that he is a grownup and should be able to not lose a camera since he hasn't lost other important stuff- like our children.  He agreed but opted to play it safe and not take the camera.

In other news, D switched National Guard units and this month was his first time drilling in his new unit.  He found out that the Red and White Ball is in a couple weeks!  I'm soooooooooo excited!  We haven't been to a ball in a few years, I love getting so dressed up and he looks so handsome in his dress blues.  But, he informed me that in the new unit the thing to do is wear Class A's with a bow tie... huh??  Whatev, he'll still look handsome, I just like the blues better.  Tomorrow R and I are going shopping for a dress.  Ideas?  Send them my way, please!

G is THREEEEEE!

My little G turned three last Tuesday.  She's getting so big!!

She woke up at 6:30 am screaming, "MOM!!!!  I'M THREEEEEE!!!!"  I guess she didn't forget what day it was.  She's really into Minnie Mouse and wanted to have a Minny birthday, so I did my best to make that happen.  She had some really specific ideas for her cake, specifically that it had to be pink and strawberry.  Seeing as how we were having guests and I knew no one else would want to eat a strawberry cake, I did what I had to do to fool her.  Pink food coloring.  It turned out pretty tasty, and looked cute, too.  I used regular and mini Oreo's to make Minny heads, then added pink bows with frosting.

Please disregard the wine in the bottom of the photo.  Thanks.

We had her favorite food for dinner, Buca di Beppo!  She would eat at Buca every day of her life if we let her.  My parents and my brothers J and M, M's girlfriend B, R and J came over for dinner, cake, ice cream and presents.  It was a great day, she was so appreciative of everything, I was very proud of her!

Opening presents with Grandpa

A princess dress.... and a very unfortunate hat.

Unfortunate for everyone.

This is the best three she can make right now.  We're working on it.

Dad and J dressed alike.  They're so close.

The following Saturday was her birthday party, we try to keep them very low key (read: cheap) and fun for the kids, so this party involved the swing set, a blow up pool and a pinata.  Bring on the fun!

G and C and their bestie A

Aunt K pushing G and A on the swings

A, A, G, C: One of the only pictures of all the kids together (minus two babies also in attendance)

Blowing out the candles.  This was the ugliest cake I've ever had at a party.  Shameful.  I had big plans for this cake...specifically not having it look like this. Kroger really dropped the ball.

How much gross blue frosting can you lick off of one Minnie figurine?

A big thanks to my friend B for taking so many great pictures.  I took exactly zero pictures, glad I could count on her to take 500 pictures (give or take) of the day!  There are many other good ones of the kids but many of them involve me looking not as...ummm... thin nice as I would like. 

Some good news to end G's third birthday post:

I mentioned in a previous post that G has been having some medical issues.  She has been having dizzy spells where she feels like the room is spinning.  They started about two months ago and were sporadic but have been happening more frequently.  Her pediatrician sent her to an ENT and pretty much said let's hope the ENT sees something because if not then we're going to have an MRI to look for a mass in her brain.  The ENT didn't see anything and we had the MRI last Thursday.  She had to be sedated and it was quite traumatic for me- she did great, she didn't cry once!  I, on the other hand, cried a lot.  The doctor called this weekend to tell us that her MRI was normal!!!  Thank God!!!  We still have to see a Neurologist and are still trying to figure out what's going on (possible seizures, etc.), but she does not have a mass in her brain.  Thank you all for your kind words, thoughts and prayers.  We are so very thankful.

What is "f E-MAIL"? Female? Email? Discuss.

I'm still putting together G's birthday post... I feel bad that it isn't up yet, but my computer is being dumb and won't let me put pictures on the blog right now.  Whatev.  It'll happen someday soon.  In the meantime, here is the end of summer quarter post... bring on the drama.

Last week was my first finals week in a reaaaaaalllllyyyy long time.  I was stressed about it and have some pretty good grades in my classes that I was hoping to keep, so I wanted to try my best but I had other things weighing on my mind, too.  People that I go to school with just cannot comprehend that there are other things in peoples lives besides school, classes, homework, reading, beer.  I know, I'm old and lame, but I'm a busy lame old woman.

There was this girl in one of my classes who put together a study group.  I'll call her Study Group Nazi.  She formed this study group which was really nice, but then she got all crazy and started delegating tasks and only allowing certain people in... it was strange.  For some strange reason I was one of her chosen few that was allowed in the study group.  She had four group meetings before the final.  I missed the first two and Study Group Nazi was none too pleased.  But, I made it to the last two and that was good enough for me. 

So here's what happened.  Our final was Tuesday, so all day Monday there were mass emails going out to the whole class from deadbeats who didn't go to class wanting people to help them and there was every excuse you could think of- my grandma was dying, I got evicted half way through the quarter, bla bla blah.  Basically I don't feel bad for anyone because if my ass could be there with two kids and a husband, your ass could be there too.  Anyway there was this one email that was so interesting, here's what it said (this is a direct copy of the email):

"i HAVE BEEN IN JAIL. I HAVENT GOT THE CHANCE TO EXAMINE THE STUDY GUIDE PRIOR TO MY RELEASE. PLEASE CAN i GET A f E-MAIL...FOR HELP"

Whaaaattttttt??  What is a "f E-MAIL"?  And why is it underlined?  No thank you.  So Monday night I went to study group and we were chatting about our jail-bait classmate when Study Group Nazi says that this guy found her on campus today and said he heard about this study group and could he come?  She says no, only people that she invited could come and he wasn't invited...???  Who says that?!  Study Group Nazi does.  We start going over our study guide when our newly out of jail classmate comes strolling by, giving us all really mean creeper looks.  We're all semi-freaking out (even the boys) but trying to ignore him when he slams a note up on the door that says something like "I'll give $50 to anyone who will tutor me" and his phone number.  We tell our Nazi leader that this has to stop and to just invite him in because he's so dumb he probably won't retain any knowledge anyway, but at least he'll stop disturbing us.  She gives in to our pleas and goes to find him and ask him if he wants to come in.  He says he will but he needs to bring his bodyguard.  WHAAAAA????  Bodyguard??!! 

Ok, so the bodyguard looked like he had just recently... as in within the last two minutes... smoked meth.  He has sores all over his face and arms and hands, he's filthy dirty, and he literally cannot keep his eyes open. He isn't sleeping, he's just extremely high.  The young man sitting next to me is immediately uncomfortable and grabs his laptop and backpack and is out of there.  I, however, needed a good grade in the class so I stick around. 

Mr. McJail has no paper or pen so he takes a paper out of the trash can and borrows a pen from one of my more brave (and not afraid of contracting a diseases) classmates.  The bodyguard is in and out of consciousness, his head occasionally hitting the table.  He almost turned the chair over more than once.  Every now and then he'll try to add to the conversation with something like "Syria is south of Turkey"... and it is.  A sweet girl in our class showed up with a bag of donuts and the bodyguard swiped it out of her hands and dug through to pick his favorite.  Needless to say no one else ate donuts.  McJail did promise us that he would bring us all a gift the next day at the final for letting him come in.  Hmmm, a little bit of drugs?  Use of the bodyguard?  I don't know what he had in mind because he didn't show up for the final.  Shocker.

The study group wasn't over until about 10:30 that night and I wasn't about to walk out to my car alone so I had someone else go with me.  We made it out alive, thank goodness.  I did snap a picture of the bodyguard but I'm too afraid to put it online.  Only bad things can come of that.

Top Six

I'm supposed to be studying for my finals right now, but I'm feeling like I've neglected the blog so I'm going to throw this out there...

1. G turned three on Tuesday.  Time really flies.  I know everyone says that, but I don't think you can fully understand what that means until you have kids.  I feel like I was pregnant with her yesterday, how can she already be three years old?  I'll have pics of her birthday up soon, her party is tomorrow so I want to have pics from that too before I blog about it.  You should be holding your breath.

2. G is having some unexplained medical issues right now.  It's pretty much consuming every thought in my life.  She'll have an MRI on Thursday and we're praying like all hell that it comes back okay.  Can you pray like hell?  I don't think you can because that would be a contradiction... but that's the only way I can describe it.

3. It's finals week.  So, that sucks.  But I've already finished (and turned in) two papers, and in one of my classes the final paper is the final, so I'm done with that class.  I have two finals on Tuesday and then I'm done for the quarter!  That means only four more quarters until I graduate!  Now if I could only concentrate on something other than G, I might be able to actually study for my finals.

4. C starts KINDERGARTEN on Wednesday!!  Holy crap.  She's going to real school... not like three days a week for a half a day school, real life school.  She wants me to pack her a chicken sandwich on her first day of school.  This is funny to me for two reasons.  1. She has never had a chicken sandwich before because she says it's disgusting; and 2. She will hate it.  I have to figure out how I'm going to handle this situation.  They make a very nice hot lunch at her school, but she is her mother's daughter and she wouldn't buy that shit for a million dollars.  Smart girl.

5. I mentioned earlier that G's birthday party is tomorrow.  D is out of town (because that's his normal state recently) and so I'm on my own putting this thing together.  It's going to be in the back yard and the kids are just going to play on the swing set and in the pool (blowup pool... don't get your hopes up for a real pool) and I'm going to keep it simple.  BUT, if people are going to be in the yard that means that the grass has to be cut.  With D being gone, that task was left for me to do today.  When I got out there and surveyed the mower I found that the blade was on the highest setting.  Listen here, if I'm going to cut the grass, you're going to be able to tell that I cut the grass.  None of this "cut it on it's highest setting because it's better for the grass" BS.  So I cut the grass like a putting green.  It looks amazing and D is going to die when he sees it... mostly because he's mad.  Whatever, I like it.

6. OH YES, how could I forget.  Our nanny Q U I T today.  Straight up quit.  She gave me one week's notice.  It's not the worst thing in the world because it will get me through finals and give me a couple weeks to find someone before school starts up again, but I'm reeeeeeeeeally going to miss having my laundry done and dinner in the oven when I get home.  I know that makes me sound spoiled and I don't care.  I am.

That's all, I really do have to study now.  The kids are spending the night at my parents and I need to take full advantage of a silent house to spend some time on theories of international relations.

PS, there will be wine involved.

Asbestos Fan

Hi internets!  I got all emo on you guys last post, sorry for that.  I needed to vent and cried for like four days straight and now I feel better.  Who's emo now?  Not this guy!

Today is the day that I've been praying for since May 31st, we're getting a NEW AIR CONDITIONER!!!  Our old one has been limping along and putting out a good effort but on the days when it's been like 500,000 degrees outside (aka 90) it's been like 89 degrees in our house.  Not cool.  I had to steal some fans from my parents basement and one of them appears to be from 1974 and is probably blowing asbestos through the house.  Don't worry, I put the asbestos fan in my room instead of the girls room, I'm a responsible parent.  After today's major install of the new AC unit, asbestos fan will go back to it's home in the dark corner of my parents basement.  It won't be missed.

The Culprit.  I've got my eye on you, asbestos fan.

Unfortunately the man installing our AC unit is extremely unfriendly... I can't imagine why!  I think it's awesome to hang out in my creepy basement and roll around in the dirt next to my deck!  His mood has no effect on me, though.  My dad gave me a case of mocha frappuccino and I'm working on number four this morning.  Let's just say I'm bouncing off the damn wall with caffeine and good mood!  Hence all the exclamation points! !! !!!

In other news, C and G had a dentist appointment this week.  C love love loves the dentist, and it was G's first ever appointment and she was super excited.  She wanted to go first so she hopped up in the dentist chair, started to cry and decided to throw her sister to the wolves first.  C was fine with that and chose cookie dough toothpaste (gag me) and orange fluoride (double gag).  What a yummy combo (dry heave). 

The professional dental patient

When it was G's turn she was still a bit apprehensive, check out the death grip on the arm rest and the nervous frown:

Her "Get me out of here" look

But she got into the swing of things once she strawberry toothpaste and strawberry fluoride (much better choices than her sister) started flowing.

When it was all over she said her teeth felt "shiny", I was proud of both of them for being so brave!

I can feel my blood sugar crashing, time for another frappuccino. Bye.

Teach Your Children Well

It has taken me a full day and a half to compose this because I'm still so mad/sad/hurt.  Here goes...

Yesterday at church... yes, this happened at church... we were sitting behind a family with three very poorly behaved children.  Two girls that I would guess at five and six years old and a little boy that was maybe 18 months.  The boys high-pitched screams all.through.mass weren't the problem.  The problem was those girls.

As soon as they sat down in front of us they gave C the once-over.  I mean head to toe, in a way that only a caddy high school girl would do to another girl.  We're talking about a five and six year old.  C had never seen anything of the sort happen before and smiled nicely at them... because she's a NICE GIRL.  They immediately started whispering and laughing to each other while they both looked at her and pointed.  I heard "ugly glasses" and my head was spinning.  C looked at me with hurt eyes and hid her face in my side and said "Why are those girls looking at me and laughing?".  I told her that they were probably very excited for school to start and they trying to figure out if she's going to be in kindergarten or first grade.  She got very excited and we started talking happily about what grade we thought those  girls were in.

She didn't have a clue. 

All she knew is that they were making her uncomfortable and I took away her self consciousness and worry in a quick second.  I'm so hurt for her. 

We don't raise our daughters to look at what a person looks like and make fun of them, or to size up what they're wearing and comment on it.  We raise them to know and accept peoples differences as a gift that makes them unique.  Our hope for our kids is that they stand up for someone that is being made fun of, not join in.  This may not make them the popular kids, but it will make them the caring kids. 

So I don't know what to do now.  I feel like I should talk to C about how kids can be mean and warn her to hold her head high when she goes to school because her glasses (and height and wavy hair and whatever else the kids will grasp on to) are what makes her perfectly C.  But on the other hand I don't want to make her worry or feel self conscious before school even starts.  I'm really not sure what to do.  I'm sure I'll figure it out.

As for the girls at church, I glared at them like the bitch I am every time they turned around, which was about every 10 seconds.  I wanted to punch their mom in the head and tell her to pay attention to what she's teaching her kids.  BUT, we were in church so I didn't punch her, I just said a prayer that C will be able to make it through without me to help her.  I know she will, it just hurts my heart... hopefully more than it hurts hers.

Perfect.

Instagram for Idiots

I've had an iPhone for a loooong time and have had instagram but never used it properly... like as a social networking tool.  I'm somewhat of a social networking idiot.  I've got "the facebook" (that's what I imagine an idiot calling it) , I've got "the twitter" (@katesmomjeans), now i've got "the instagram".  Hit me up, I'm KDCG.

PS, If you were paying attention, you know my first name.  Boom.

Sent from my iPhone

The Final 30th Birthday Post... No Really, I'm Done Now.

What's up, internets?  I'm back and better than ever.... well, I'm 30, so maybe not better than ever, but older than ever.  I have a nice break again this morning and so I'm coming to you from the big nice library at XXX University.  One thing I must say before I get into this blog today: why doesn't this library have anything good for breakfast?  I can't continue eating whole wheat bagels with low fat cream cheese, I need something with egg and meat and yellow/orange cheese.  Is that too much to ask??!

Friday was my birthday and it was an okay day, I'm always semi-depressed on my birthday.  I don't know why, I'm not at all upset about my age or what I should have accomplished or bla bla blah, I just don't love my birthday.  Another thing that put a damper on my mood... the kids don't give a shit if it's your birthday or not.  Example: D says, "Mommy's the birthday girl and gets to choose what we have for lunch!"  I decide on Chipotle, and this is the sound that comes from my children: "Mooooommmmm, Chipotle is disgusting and you always get to choose whatever you want and you always choose things that I hate.  Why is it always what yooooouuuuu want???  It's always your birthday."  Nice.  Thanks kids.  Love you, too.

So I was all grouchy and the kids were grouchy and D had a "speaking engagement" that night that he had to go to so I was annoyed about that, but R and I were going out to dinner so I was going to try to make the best of it.  We went to Cheesecake Factory (because we love to stuff our faces with anything that has the word "cheesecake" in it), had a great dinner and great drinks (with the exception of the dirty martinis that our waiter suggested.  Puke.) and my mood was looking up.

We left dinner to head to a bar to meet up with D, then downtown to meet D's bestie E and E's almost-wife F.  We got in the car and R suddenly had the worst case of diarrhea known to man (her words) so we ended up at Target where she could... um.. feel better in the bathroom.  I checked out the fake eyelashes and nail polish and once her business was complete, we were back on the road to the bar.

We walked in to the bar and SURPRISE!!!!  It was a party for me!  Turns out R didn't have diarrhea, she was just killing some time.  It's good to know that we're such good friends that diarrhea can be used as an excuse.  There were lots of old and new friends there, it was really great to see everyone and to know that they all cared enough to spend their Friday night with me.  It was a lot of fun and D did a good job putting it all together.  We closed down the bar and then headed back to our house with R and J for an after-party party.  I had a terrible hangover on Saturday, but it was well worth it.  PS, I discovered the cure for a hangover is Jeni's ice cream.  No joke, I felt a million times better.  Sad? Yes.

Next up on the schedule: G's birthday.  There will be less alcohol and more cupcakes at her party, but I hope she has as much fun as I did.