Yesterday at church... yes, this happened at church... we were sitting behind a family with three very poorly behaved children. Two girls that I would guess at five and six years old and a little boy that was maybe 18 months. The boys high-pitched screams all.through.mass weren't the problem. The problem was those girls.
As soon as they sat down in front of us they gave C the once-over. I mean head to toe, in a way that only a caddy high school girl would do to another girl. We're talking about a five and six year old. C had never seen anything of the sort happen before and smiled nicely at them... because she's a NICE GIRL. They immediately started whispering and laughing to each other while they both looked at her and pointed. I heard "ugly glasses" and my head was spinning. C looked at me with hurt eyes and hid her face in my side and said "Why are those girls looking at me and laughing?". I told her that they were probably very excited for school to start and they trying to figure out if she's going to be in kindergarten or first grade. She got very excited and we started talking happily about what grade we thought those girls were in.
She didn't have a clue.
All she knew is that they were making her uncomfortable and I took away her self consciousness and worry in a quick second. I'm so hurt for her.
We don't raise our daughters to look at what a person looks like and make fun of them, or to size up what they're wearing and comment on it. We raise them to know and accept peoples differences as a gift that makes them unique. Our hope for our kids is that they stand up for someone that is being made fun of, not join in. This may not make them the popular kids, but it will make them the caring kids.
So I don't know what to do now. I feel like I should talk to C about how kids can be mean and warn her to hold her head high when she goes to school because her glasses (and height and wavy hair and whatever else the kids will grasp on to) are what makes her perfectly C. But on the other hand I don't want to make her worry or feel self conscious before school even starts. I'm really not sure what to do. I'm sure I'll figure it out.
As for the girls at church, I glared at them like the bitch I am every time they turned around, which was about every 10 seconds. I wanted to punch their mom in the head and tell her to pay attention to what she's teaching her kids. BUT, we were in church so I didn't punch her, I just said a prayer that C will be able to make it through without me to help her. I know she will, it just hurts my heart... hopefully more than it hurts hers.
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7 comments:
C is absolutely perfect as she is. These moments suck and haunt you for a long time. You'll probably always remember it. Personally, I'd wait to talk to her until she comes home from school hurt by something similar. And perhaps to make her teacher aware early on that you want to be informed of any teasing, etc, so that you have an opportunity to talk to C about it. Otherwise, many teachers will let teasing go by as long as it doesn't turn into more -- and you don't know if C will tell you about it. Sounds like a sucky sucky Sunday.
WELL.... for one, shes absolutely adorable. I understand you being hesitant about bringing it up to her. Lilly has noticed differences in people (like a little girl in her pre-school class was missing a hand from a congenital disorder) and I just explained that everyone is different and those differences do not matter. She's been on the receiving end of it bc she wears glasses and isn't a teeny tiny little girl. She told me once that a kid in school called her chubby... I said that kids mom just doesn't feed them right! lol I know I probably shouldn't have said that, but it was an easy way to get her mind off of it. As for the snots in church... you had more control than I would have. I woulda looked at them with all the attitude i have and said "what?". I'm sure their mom would have turned around... she woulda gotten the attitude too! I have no problem putting little snotty kids in their place, esp when it comes to my kids. If mom has a problem with it, oh well! She should have taught her kids how to behave in the presence of civilized people.
Oh, Kate, this kills my heart! Seriously, had tears in my eyes- you should've punched that mommy in the face!! ugh! this is just another bullet point for my homeschooling while they're young argument! She's GORGEOUS by the way- and in Sydney's K class one little girl had glasses & all the other little girls (including mine) were jealous and wanted them!
K - C is perfect just the way she is. My C had a incident where my distant cousins' children locked her in a shed and then proceeded to laugh at her when she was upset. She was crying and asking me why her "new" friends were laughing at her. Their Mom (who is not my relative) also did not make them apologize and they are family. It's a mean world. UGH!!!!
Thanks for all the nice comments. I know that C is a very well rounded (and adorable) kid. I'm feeling better today but have decided that I need to talk to her before school starts, not to scare her or warn her, but to remind her that if (when) she has her feelings hurt she can always talk to us about it and we'll be here to listen.
I still want to punch that mom, though. Stupid mom.
Oh! I want to punch those girls too! Girls are AWFUL and unfortunately, it gets worse. So do what your doing and teaching your little gal to be respectful.
My 7 year old Ella, WANTS glasses. Bad. She even had a substitute teacher send home a note saying she was having trouble seeing. One of her good friends has red glasses and she's just dying to get them.
And C is adorable!!
I'm late posting, but I still wanted to say a few things. First is just what an amazing mother you are. I completely look up to you. You're wonderful. Second, your girls are 2 of the most beautiful, funny, kind, well behaved kiddos I've ever met, which is a lot. I just recently read an article about the effects of always telling little girls how pretty they are. "you're so pretty" without "you're so smart" "you're so funny" "you're so talented" etc. can turn out to be bad. Probably these little snots. It's more important to look pretty and act pretty to their mother. AHHH just makes me angry. Anyway, you can now ignore them at all costs on Sundays and be proud of the fact you have well rounded, kind children.
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