Christmas Card Public Service Announcement

I have an announcement to make:

I WILL NOT BE SENDING OUT CHRISTMAS CARDS THIS YEAR.

I had to get that off my chest.  I don't have time to do it, I feel bad about it but whatever.  I just can't do it this year.  I'm supposed to be studying and paper writing right now (which I am) but I kept hearing this little voice....

....when are you going to do the cards?

....what picture will you use?

....you'll have to take them to the post office because our mail man is the walking kind of mail man and it would be mean to give him 100 cards to stick in his mail pouch for his long walk.

....what are you going to put on the cards?  Merry Christmas from the B's, don't forget D is going to have rockets shot at his face this year, so let's all wish him well.

So there you go, no cards. 

But still send them to me because I like putting them on my fridge and counting how many friends I have.  Shout out SN for being the first one on my fridge!  Holla!

They Want For Nothing

This past week I was at Target shopping for a friends daughters birthday gift.  While I was perusing the kitchen aisles (for me, not the five year old) I ran into a former coworker... I'll call her SB (and no, shockingly enough that does not stand for son of a bitch).  Here's how it went down:

Me: Hi SB!

SB: (Uncomfortable smile like she didn't know who I was) Oh...hi.

Me: (Continue to shop because clearly she doesn't remember me)

SB: So, how are your kids doing? 

Me: (Shocked because she remembered me)  They're good, how is E doing?

SB: Oh, E is WONDERFUL!  She's four and a half now, she's the joy of our lives.  She goes to the very prestigious preschool nearby.  She's amazingly smart.  I spent a lot of time cultivating her love for reading.

Me: Neat.

SB: (Eyes the toys in my cart) Are you shopping for your kids?  We're shopping for the family we adopted for Christmas.  It's so important to teach E the importance of giving.

Me: Wow, that's so admirable of you (gag me with a spoon).  I'm actually shopping for a birthday gift for a friends daughter.

SB:  I hate when people buy gifts for E.  We want for nothing.

She actually said "We want for nothing".  Can you believe that?!?  I honestly didn't know what to say!  I mumbled something and quickly got away from SB, her dork ass husband and sweet little E.

A few hours minutes later I was looking at an Us magazine and not paying attention to which checkout line I was in when I realized I was right behind SB.  Crap.  We made more horribly awkward small talk.  Then, coming from the back of the store I started to hear the ear piercing screams of an over the top tantrum.

Me: My kids would never pull that in public.

SB: Ummm... I think that's E.  She's been making poor choices today, right now she's choosing to not leave the store.

SB gathered her bags and met her nerd husband in front of the exit door.  E was laying on the floor, face down, legs kicking.  SB leaned over and spoke softly to her darling little E about making the right choice and getting up off of the floor.  She didn't.  I stepped over E and smiled sweetly at SB as I left the store.

"Good luck with that", I said.

I guess they do want for something.  Manners.... and maybe a spanking.

Tramp Dusting

Pop quiz!  What's worse than stepping in dog poop while trying to get the dog untangled from your swing set??  Getting the poop ON YOUR HANDS.  I can't even tell you.  Number one, the dog is eight years old and we've had the swing set for a solid four years...and yet....she still manages to get herself wound so tightly around the slide that she's choking herself.  It's so cold out (which in itself pisses me off) and I have to go traipsing through the yard to get her.  Add to that feces on your hands and you've got yourself a hell of a Thursday.

This could be the worst segue ever, but...

Have I ever told you how much I despise cooking dinner?  Well I do.  It's not so much the cooking of the dinner, but the planning that goes into it.  D has been home in the evenings and did a beautiful job of grocery shopping for the week and planning all the meals.  Tonight he's out of town, and while I know exactly what there is to cook for dinner tonight (because he left me a note), I'm taking the kids to Wendy's.  Whatever.  I had poop on my hands, I can't cook for at least 36 hours.  That's a rule, right??  While D's gone I'm trying to get the house cleaned, sometimes it's just easier when he isn't here.  The girls have started showing interest in helping me clean, so I gave them each a dusting rag and sprayed them (not in the face) with dusting spray and let them go to town.  They are both currently jumping on the mini trampoline in the living room and telling me how much fun dusting is.  They're obviously confused, I usually don't jump on the mini-tramp when I dust.  Usually.

Last weekend we had a lovely dinner with old friends, E and F the newlyweds, and R and J the non-marrieds.  We had a really fun time with a smidge too much wine, but it was so nice being out with old friends.  Apologies to the staff at the restaurant...  It kind of turned into a disaster, but boy was it fun!

We had our first ever parent teacher conferences this week for C.  It was so exciting!  We were running about two minutes late and I was screaming at D to "RUN FASTER!!!" through the parking lot.  Our faces were all red when we got into her classroom and I noticed that D had a little snot coming out of his nose because it was so cold, her teacher must have thought we were real winners.  But it didn't matter because C is a fabulous student who is very kind to everyone in the class and a joy to have around, and that's all we wanted to hear!

Last but not least..... I GOT MY HAIR CUT!  I cut about six inches off on Tuesday, I'm still getting used to it but I really like it so far.  I went to the most relaxing place on earth, and as usual I wasn't disappointed.

Happy Thursday and Poop-Free Hand Wishes,
K

Holla-ween!

Holla!  It's the Halloween post!  The girls were the cutest ice cream cones EVER!  My mom and I made the costumes, I found my inspiration here, but changed it to make it more comfy... and cuter!

The cone sisters

G wanted to be chocolate ice cream.  I couldn't make that happen, but she still told people she was chocolate.  People were confused.  Good times.




The chocolate cone

C wanted to be strawberry but understood that she wasn't... unlike her sister.

The non-strawberry cone

Discussing the best route to take

She hadn't even had any candy yet.  Scary.

C took her swirls off, they were sliding down her butt which made candy collecting too difficult.  Obviously this was unacceptable.



Grandpa came with us, in Daddy's absence.  He was the umbrella carrier.

G and Grandpa sorting her candy.  Yes, I have a blue door.  Go ahead and judge.

The Rundown: Thursday Edition

I swear to you, I could murder the iPad some days.  I wrote this whole long nice post yesterday, and even checked my spelling which is rare, and clicked the little publish button and....nothing.  It lost the post.  So annoying.  Anywho, I've decided that the best way for me to blog is to not compose something that is one coherent thought in paragraph form.  I'm going to give you what's on my mind, short and sweet in list form.  Here you go...

1.  I had a great meeting with my advisor yesterday.  He told me that if I petition to get out of Hungarian 104 then I can graduate after fall quarter.  If not, I'm screwed.  Well, he didn't say 'You're screwed', but he should have.  Basically XXX University is switching from quarters to semesters beginning next fall and they're going to convert all the hours I have (if I'm still there and don't graduate after summer quarter) from quarter hours to semester hours and he pretty much told me that I'll lose hours and have to take more classes.  NOOOOO!  I can't let this happen.  So I'm going to petition to get out of Hungarian 104 because it's not offered in the summer, only in the fall, which will be bad.  I'm just going to look at them and say "Beszelek nagyon jól magarul!".  See if you can figure that one out.

2.  D has been gone at training for two weeks and he comes home today, the girls and I are so excited!  Today as I was dropping C off at school she hopped out of the car and said "Mrs. M, my daddy comes  home today!!!"  I almost cried, it was so sweet!  All of her teachers know what's going on with the deployment and where D has been for the last two weeks, so Mrs. M was really excited for her and gave her a big high five.  So cute!

3.  I'm 30 years old and had to purchase teenage girl face scrub for zits.  I swear the bottle says 'Boys and parents stressing you out?'  Nope, just the universe playing a cruel joke on me.  (And this started before #5 happened... don't jump to conclusions.)

4.  I'm on the bone marrow donor registry (as everyone should be, click the link and do the right thing) and every few days they send me an email.  Every damn time I see the email address in my inbox I have a minor heart attack thinking that I'm a match.  I run through this wild scenario of rushing to the hospital and figuring out who's going to take care of the kids while I'm gone.  But it's just a friendly message, usually to remind me to take calcium supplements or something.  So stressful, though.

5.  Halloween.  I feel like I at least need to acknowledge it on the blog.  At some point I'll actually post pictures and all that, but in the mean time..... Halloween, we had it.  It was fun.  The girls were adorable.  In the evenings I've been making myself sick enjoying a candy or two (or twelve) with a glass of wine.  I need to find an organization that takes candy donations for the troops.  Either that or I need to just head to the mall and buy some new jeans about two sizes bigger than I am now to prepare for what's to come.

6.  Halloween candy + wine = tums.

7.  I'm addicted to ESPN radio.  I don't know why I started listening to it, but I did and now I can't stop.  I can tell you anything about any NFL game that's coming up. I can tell you how Suh's meeting with Roger Goodell went yesterday, I can tell you that Theo Epstein is looking at Francona for Cubs manager, I can talk about Manning possibly being traded by the Colts so they can pick up Andrew Luck in the draft....  I know too much, I feel like I'm breaking some kind of girl-code.  And I love it.

Back In The Saddle*

I have seriously neglected this blog the last couple of months.  I hate that.  I want to keep it going, it's an outlet for me and I enjoy doing it, but my life has been insane and I haven't had time to brush my teeth (I have been brushing, that's an exaggeration) let alone blog.  I'm going to try to get back on the saddle* and just open my mind see what comes out...

1.  A couple of weeks ago our nanny quit- again.  We had hired this nice young girl who the kids loved (but wasn't the sharpest crayon in the box) and she was doing a great job of keeping them entertained and not burning the house down.  One day out of the blue I got an email from her giving me the old 'It isn't you, it's me' line.  Who quits by email?!  Apparently nannies do because this is the second one in a row that took advantage of not having to show their face when they break up with me.  Here's the thing... I have wonderful children, and I'm not just saying that because I'm their mom, they really are respectful well behaved kids.  D isn't ever home, I know he's not the problem.  So I guess maybe it's me?  Was it too much to ask her to boil water for mac and cheese every now and then?  Was I asking too much to have her pick up play-doh off of the floor after the kids played with it so the dog wouldn't eat it and poop rainbow colors?  Apparently it was.  With my friends and families help I'm able to get through the end of the quarter and won't need to hire someone until after the holidays.  Someone send me a book on how to not hire a crappy nanny. Thanks.

2.  I'm taking Hungarian for my foreign language requirement- BECAUSE I'M A HUGE IDIOT!  It's so hard, I'm not even kidding.  The language isn't rooted in Latin and there are no correlations between the English and Hungarian language, so that's fun.  The only words that I can look at and know what they are immediately are telefon, komputer and ipod.  I'm 1/4 Magyar (Magyar=Hungarian for you non-Hungarian speaking dummies) and so I keep telling myself that if my people could speak this, I can speak it.  But then I come across a word like gyümölcs (fruit) and want to bang my head against the wall.  Of course slusszkulcs means car keys.  Of course it does.

3. Last but not least, we have a deployment coming up.  Obviously I'm not going to tell you when or where, but it's coming.  It was a surprise, and we aren't happy about it, but we're an Army family and so we'll deal with it just like all of the other military families do.  I've been super emo lately and I think that's added to not wanting to blog.  Mostly I want to sit and eat cheesy popcorn and feel sorry for myself... the cheesy popcorn came before the deployment, the feeling sorry for myself is new, though.  It's only been about a week since we found out, so I'm still processing it, but I'm getting better.  My friends and family have really been great, an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on.  Oh the fun of being a grownup.  D has been out training so we've had to do some things that we usually do as a family without him... go to church, carve pumpkins, pick apples, do laundry (I'm afraid of the basement, the loading and unloading of the washer is his job).  In a way it's good that we're doing these things without him because it gives us a taste of what the deployment will be like, but it's still not fun. 

So that's all for now, the first blog back in the saddle*.  I'm going to try to blog every day.  I know that won't actually happen, but I need to aim high.  Sorry to end this one on a semi-depressing note, but that's my life right now, semi-depressing.  Here's a cute kid picture to cheer you up...

G and Sammy

*How many times did I write 'back in the saddle' on this post?  That's so dumb, I never say that in real life. 

Where Have I Been? Cleaning Up Pee.

I've been in a bit of a blogging rut lately.  Usually when that happens I blog about random things and that helps me get back on track.  Here goes:

1.  D has been working crazy hours.  Last night he got home earlier than expected (about 10:30) and I was glad to see him... mostly. I had to stop watching Teen Mom.  Anyway, as soon as walked in the door G woke up crying.  She was having a bad dream and was totally out of it so I picked her up to try to calm her down.  She started peeing, all over me and the floor.  I caught as much pee as I could with my hand (go ahead, throw up, I don't blame you) while D stood there in his suit looking all panicked and I ran to the bathroom.  The toilet seat was down and with one hand full of pee, the other hand holding the pee-er, and D still trying to figure out what kind of a horror movie he walked in on, I couldn't get the seat up.  So I did what anyone in that situation would do- I let her pee in the sink.  It was disgusting,  I used various different products by the name of Clorox to clean up.  D went to get her clean PJ's and undies and somehow in his frazzled state he put C's undies on G.  This morning she went to the bathroom and I heard, "What da heck?  Why am I weawing C's undies?"

2.  G had her first full day (2.5 hours) of preschool yesterday.  She loves loves loves school, but hated the snack.  I'm still trying to figure out what exactly they had, but according to G it was teddy bears with cinnamon on it, and she didn't like it because the cinnamon was too "saucy".  Hmmm.  Regardless, she's looking forward to tomorrow and has requested that she be dressed in a collar shirt. 

3.  Last weekend was the big Red and White Army Ball, and was fab-u-lous.  Fabulous!  D is in a cavalry troop now, and this was the first cav ball that we've been to.  It was sooo different from any of the others, but in a good way!  They have lots of traditions that are unique to the cav and it was really fun for both of us to experience those for the first time together.  We're both looking forward to many (at least three) more years with the cav.

I brought along my flip video thingy and my camera to fully document the evening.  I proceeded to leave the flip in the hotel room and not put the memory card into the camera.  Sweet.  I got zero pictures of the whole night- so disappointing!  I tried to take pics with my iPhone but it doesn't have a flash so none of them turned out.  I wore this little number** (including the belt), paired with big vintage earrings, a killer vintage clutch and leopard shoes.  It was adorable, you just have to trust me on that.  D killed it in his uniform, naturally.

**Edit, the dress is now out of stock on Banana's website (naturally, the whole world reads this blog), so here's a picture:

The BEST part of the ball is always people watching.  You wouldn't believe what some of these women wear.  D has been in the Army for 11 years and we've been to quite a few balls.  I have a pretty good idea of how to dress appropriately.  Some of the young girlfriends (and wives) could use a crash course in what NOT to wear.  Yikes to boobs and glitter.

4.  Our dating anniversary was this weekend, September 11.  Not the best anniversary to have, but it's not a wedding anniversary, it's just the day that an awkward 17 year old said "Will you be my girlfriend?" on the street in front of my parents house. We had taken his nine month old sister to an all-you-can-eat buffet, and I (also 17) got to do my first finger sweep when she choked on a roll.  Good times.  Clearly he knew right then that I was wife material.  That was 13 years ago, and we're still finger-sweeping babies and eating at buffets... occasionally.  I celebrated our anniversary with a three hour solo trip to Ikea- it was lovely!

That's all for now, I think this broke me out of my anti-blog funk.  Now, show me some love in the comment section.  OH, one more thing I forgot!  I **might** be bringing in someone to guest post soon.  You should definitely be holding your breath!  Kthanksbye.

The School Sisters

C started kindergarten the week before last, and she super heart loves it,  I wonder how long that will last!  She goes to a catholic school and wears uniforms, at first I was unsure how I would feel about the whole uniform thing, but after going to ONE store for back to school shopping I was sold.

Here's how C's first day went down...

Daddy woke her up early so I could blind her like the paparazzi

Dressed and ready to go

Walking to class... I wonder if she'll let me do this on the first day of high school?

After C was off at school G knew what needed to be done- Starbucks and a hairbrush.  Stat.

Today was G's first day of preschool!  They did a one hour visit rather than a regular (2.5 hour) day as a "don't worry we aren't going to abandon you" kind of thing.  I was apprehensive about how she would do, she's definitely the more clingy of the two, but she did fine.  She gave me a kiss and was off to check out what the place had to offer.  She's no fool, after listening to C's stories about school for three years she was ready to have some fun!

D was home for a bit before she had to leave, he's missed a lot of the school stuff this year so he was excited to get to see her this morning

Me and G.  What's my shoe doing??

Big girl!

Thumbs up!  She went all Alex P. Keaton after this and made me button her top button.

What she would have liked to wear today.

And she's off... never looked back.

G starts having full days at school next week.  I wonder what I'll do with all that free time!?  All 2.5 hours of it.

Bachelors and Balls

Today I dropped D off at the airport on his way to his friend E's bachelor party in sunny south Florida.  A bunch of guys that have been friends since they were in middle school are going... let the fun begin!  These boys are extremely immature. We aren't talking about a bunch of business men going on a trip. Oh no no. We're talking about full grown sixteen year olds completely unsupervised. I feel sorry for the other people that live, work, or are vacationing anywhere around their location. D was compiling a list of dares for E to do (insert eye roll). He tried to hide it from me but I saw one of them and it was "Drink Pee", so I think this trip may end badly health wise.

E and D at our wedding.  Jesus was frowning on the cross above them.

I'm not a jealous wife and he isn't a jealous husband, we just don't have that kind of relationship.  If he wants to have a hotel room full of strippers and guns that's fine with me (I'm exaggerating on the gun part).  I did have only one rule for this trip- DO NOT drink Four Loko.  For all of you that aren't as cool as me (read: 30 and in college), Four Loko is an energy drink with a TON of alcohol in it.  It will make you do stupid things like cross a four lane highway on a skateboard with a ferret.  Not okay.  Not to mention that D isn't as young and healthy as he once was, and I would venture a guess that the stuff doesn't mix well with blood pressure medication.  He'll be home Friday evening, I'm sure I won't have any pictures to post because he didn't bring a camera.... he thought he might lose it.  I reminded him that he is a grownup and should be able to not lose a camera since he hasn't lost other important stuff- like our children.  He agreed but opted to play it safe and not take the camera.

In other news, D switched National Guard units and this month was his first time drilling in his new unit.  He found out that the Red and White Ball is in a couple weeks!  I'm soooooooooo excited!  We haven't been to a ball in a few years, I love getting so dressed up and he looks so handsome in his dress blues.  But, he informed me that in the new unit the thing to do is wear Class A's with a bow tie... huh??  Whatev, he'll still look handsome, I just like the blues better.  Tomorrow R and I are going shopping for a dress.  Ideas?  Send them my way, please!

G is THREEEEEE!

My little G turned three last Tuesday.  She's getting so big!!

She woke up at 6:30 am screaming, "MOM!!!!  I'M THREEEEEE!!!!"  I guess she didn't forget what day it was.  She's really into Minnie Mouse and wanted to have a Minny birthday, so I did my best to make that happen.  She had some really specific ideas for her cake, specifically that it had to be pink and strawberry.  Seeing as how we were having guests and I knew no one else would want to eat a strawberry cake, I did what I had to do to fool her.  Pink food coloring.  It turned out pretty tasty, and looked cute, too.  I used regular and mini Oreo's to make Minny heads, then added pink bows with frosting.

Please disregard the wine in the bottom of the photo.  Thanks.

We had her favorite food for dinner, Buca di Beppo!  She would eat at Buca every day of her life if we let her.  My parents and my brothers J and M, M's girlfriend B, R and J came over for dinner, cake, ice cream and presents.  It was a great day, she was so appreciative of everything, I was very proud of her!

Opening presents with Grandpa

A princess dress.... and a very unfortunate hat.

Unfortunate for everyone.

This is the best three she can make right now.  We're working on it.

Dad and J dressed alike.  They're so close.

The following Saturday was her birthday party, we try to keep them very low key (read: cheap) and fun for the kids, so this party involved the swing set, a blow up pool and a pinata.  Bring on the fun!

G and C and their bestie A

Aunt K pushing G and A on the swings

A, A, G, C: One of the only pictures of all the kids together (minus two babies also in attendance)

Blowing out the candles.  This was the ugliest cake I've ever had at a party.  Shameful.  I had big plans for this cake...specifically not having it look like this. Kroger really dropped the ball.

How much gross blue frosting can you lick off of one Minnie figurine?

A big thanks to my friend B for taking so many great pictures.  I took exactly zero pictures, glad I could count on her to take 500 pictures (give or take) of the day!  There are many other good ones of the kids but many of them involve me looking not as...ummm... thin nice as I would like. 

Some good news to end G's third birthday post:

I mentioned in a previous post that G has been having some medical issues.  She has been having dizzy spells where she feels like the room is spinning.  They started about two months ago and were sporadic but have been happening more frequently.  Her pediatrician sent her to an ENT and pretty much said let's hope the ENT sees something because if not then we're going to have an MRI to look for a mass in her brain.  The ENT didn't see anything and we had the MRI last Thursday.  She had to be sedated and it was quite traumatic for me- she did great, she didn't cry once!  I, on the other hand, cried a lot.  The doctor called this weekend to tell us that her MRI was normal!!!  Thank God!!!  We still have to see a Neurologist and are still trying to figure out what's going on (possible seizures, etc.), but she does not have a mass in her brain.  Thank you all for your kind words, thoughts and prayers.  We are so very thankful.

What is "f E-MAIL"? Female? Email? Discuss.

I'm still putting together G's birthday post... I feel bad that it isn't up yet, but my computer is being dumb and won't let me put pictures on the blog right now.  Whatev.  It'll happen someday soon.  In the meantime, here is the end of summer quarter post... bring on the drama.

Last week was my first finals week in a reaaaaaalllllyyyy long time.  I was stressed about it and have some pretty good grades in my classes that I was hoping to keep, so I wanted to try my best but I had other things weighing on my mind, too.  People that I go to school with just cannot comprehend that there are other things in peoples lives besides school, classes, homework, reading, beer.  I know, I'm old and lame, but I'm a busy lame old woman.

There was this girl in one of my classes who put together a study group.  I'll call her Study Group Nazi.  She formed this study group which was really nice, but then she got all crazy and started delegating tasks and only allowing certain people in... it was strange.  For some strange reason I was one of her chosen few that was allowed in the study group.  She had four group meetings before the final.  I missed the first two and Study Group Nazi was none too pleased.  But, I made it to the last two and that was good enough for me. 

So here's what happened.  Our final was Tuesday, so all day Monday there were mass emails going out to the whole class from deadbeats who didn't go to class wanting people to help them and there was every excuse you could think of- my grandma was dying, I got evicted half way through the quarter, bla bla blah.  Basically I don't feel bad for anyone because if my ass could be there with two kids and a husband, your ass could be there too.  Anyway there was this one email that was so interesting, here's what it said (this is a direct copy of the email):

"i HAVE BEEN IN JAIL. I HAVENT GOT THE CHANCE TO EXAMINE THE STUDY GUIDE PRIOR TO MY RELEASE. PLEASE CAN i GET A f E-MAIL...FOR HELP"

Whaaaattttttt??  What is a "f E-MAIL"?  And why is it underlined?  No thank you.  So Monday night I went to study group and we were chatting about our jail-bait classmate when Study Group Nazi says that this guy found her on campus today and said he heard about this study group and could he come?  She says no, only people that she invited could come and he wasn't invited...???  Who says that?!  Study Group Nazi does.  We start going over our study guide when our newly out of jail classmate comes strolling by, giving us all really mean creeper looks.  We're all semi-freaking out (even the boys) but trying to ignore him when he slams a note up on the door that says something like "I'll give $50 to anyone who will tutor me" and his phone number.  We tell our Nazi leader that this has to stop and to just invite him in because he's so dumb he probably won't retain any knowledge anyway, but at least he'll stop disturbing us.  She gives in to our pleas and goes to find him and ask him if he wants to come in.  He says he will but he needs to bring his bodyguard.  WHAAAAA????  Bodyguard??!! 

Ok, so the bodyguard looked like he had just recently... as in within the last two minutes... smoked meth.  He has sores all over his face and arms and hands, he's filthy dirty, and he literally cannot keep his eyes open. He isn't sleeping, he's just extremely high.  The young man sitting next to me is immediately uncomfortable and grabs his laptop and backpack and is out of there.  I, however, needed a good grade in the class so I stick around. 

Mr. McJail has no paper or pen so he takes a paper out of the trash can and borrows a pen from one of my more brave (and not afraid of contracting a diseases) classmates.  The bodyguard is in and out of consciousness, his head occasionally hitting the table.  He almost turned the chair over more than once.  Every now and then he'll try to add to the conversation with something like "Syria is south of Turkey"... and it is.  A sweet girl in our class showed up with a bag of donuts and the bodyguard swiped it out of her hands and dug through to pick his favorite.  Needless to say no one else ate donuts.  McJail did promise us that he would bring us all a gift the next day at the final for letting him come in.  Hmmm, a little bit of drugs?  Use of the bodyguard?  I don't know what he had in mind because he didn't show up for the final.  Shocker.

The study group wasn't over until about 10:30 that night and I wasn't about to walk out to my car alone so I had someone else go with me.  We made it out alive, thank goodness.  I did snap a picture of the bodyguard but I'm too afraid to put it online.  Only bad things can come of that.

Top Six

I'm supposed to be studying for my finals right now, but I'm feeling like I've neglected the blog so I'm going to throw this out there...

1. G turned three on Tuesday.  Time really flies.  I know everyone says that, but I don't think you can fully understand what that means until you have kids.  I feel like I was pregnant with her yesterday, how can she already be three years old?  I'll have pics of her birthday up soon, her party is tomorrow so I want to have pics from that too before I blog about it.  You should be holding your breath.

2. G is having some unexplained medical issues right now.  It's pretty much consuming every thought in my life.  She'll have an MRI on Thursday and we're praying like all hell that it comes back okay.  Can you pray like hell?  I don't think you can because that would be a contradiction... but that's the only way I can describe it.

3. It's finals week.  So, that sucks.  But I've already finished (and turned in) two papers, and in one of my classes the final paper is the final, so I'm done with that class.  I have two finals on Tuesday and then I'm done for the quarter!  That means only four more quarters until I graduate!  Now if I could only concentrate on something other than G, I might be able to actually study for my finals.

4. C starts KINDERGARTEN on Wednesday!!  Holy crap.  She's going to real school... not like three days a week for a half a day school, real life school.  She wants me to pack her a chicken sandwich on her first day of school.  This is funny to me for two reasons.  1. She has never had a chicken sandwich before because she says it's disgusting; and 2. She will hate it.  I have to figure out how I'm going to handle this situation.  They make a very nice hot lunch at her school, but she is her mother's daughter and she wouldn't buy that shit for a million dollars.  Smart girl.

5. I mentioned earlier that G's birthday party is tomorrow.  D is out of town (because that's his normal state recently) and so I'm on my own putting this thing together.  It's going to be in the back yard and the kids are just going to play on the swing set and in the pool (blowup pool... don't get your hopes up for a real pool) and I'm going to keep it simple.  BUT, if people are going to be in the yard that means that the grass has to be cut.  With D being gone, that task was left for me to do today.  When I got out there and surveyed the mower I found that the blade was on the highest setting.  Listen here, if I'm going to cut the grass, you're going to be able to tell that I cut the grass.  None of this "cut it on it's highest setting because it's better for the grass" BS.  So I cut the grass like a putting green.  It looks amazing and D is going to die when he sees it... mostly because he's mad.  Whatever, I like it.

6. OH YES, how could I forget.  Our nanny Q U I T today.  Straight up quit.  She gave me one week's notice.  It's not the worst thing in the world because it will get me through finals and give me a couple weeks to find someone before school starts up again, but I'm reeeeeeeeeally going to miss having my laundry done and dinner in the oven when I get home.  I know that makes me sound spoiled and I don't care.  I am.

That's all, I really do have to study now.  The kids are spending the night at my parents and I need to take full advantage of a silent house to spend some time on theories of international relations.

PS, there will be wine involved.

Asbestos Fan

Hi internets!  I got all emo on you guys last post, sorry for that.  I needed to vent and cried for like four days straight and now I feel better.  Who's emo now?  Not this guy!

Today is the day that I've been praying for since May 31st, we're getting a NEW AIR CONDITIONER!!!  Our old one has been limping along and putting out a good effort but on the days when it's been like 500,000 degrees outside (aka 90) it's been like 89 degrees in our house.  Not cool.  I had to steal some fans from my parents basement and one of them appears to be from 1974 and is probably blowing asbestos through the house.  Don't worry, I put the asbestos fan in my room instead of the girls room, I'm a responsible parent.  After today's major install of the new AC unit, asbestos fan will go back to it's home in the dark corner of my parents basement.  It won't be missed.

The Culprit.  I've got my eye on you, asbestos fan.

Unfortunately the man installing our AC unit is extremely unfriendly... I can't imagine why!  I think it's awesome to hang out in my creepy basement and roll around in the dirt next to my deck!  His mood has no effect on me, though.  My dad gave me a case of mocha frappuccino and I'm working on number four this morning.  Let's just say I'm bouncing off the damn wall with caffeine and good mood!  Hence all the exclamation points! !! !!!

In other news, C and G had a dentist appointment this week.  C love love loves the dentist, and it was G's first ever appointment and she was super excited.  She wanted to go first so she hopped up in the dentist chair, started to cry and decided to throw her sister to the wolves first.  C was fine with that and chose cookie dough toothpaste (gag me) and orange fluoride (double gag).  What a yummy combo (dry heave). 

The professional dental patient

When it was G's turn she was still a bit apprehensive, check out the death grip on the arm rest and the nervous frown:

Her "Get me out of here" look

But she got into the swing of things once she strawberry toothpaste and strawberry fluoride (much better choices than her sister) started flowing.

When it was all over she said her teeth felt "shiny", I was proud of both of them for being so brave!

I can feel my blood sugar crashing, time for another frappuccino. Bye.

Teach Your Children Well

It has taken me a full day and a half to compose this because I'm still so mad/sad/hurt.  Here goes...

Yesterday at church... yes, this happened at church... we were sitting behind a family with three very poorly behaved children.  Two girls that I would guess at five and six years old and a little boy that was maybe 18 months.  The boys high-pitched screams all.through.mass weren't the problem.  The problem was those girls.

As soon as they sat down in front of us they gave C the once-over.  I mean head to toe, in a way that only a caddy high school girl would do to another girl.  We're talking about a five and six year old.  C had never seen anything of the sort happen before and smiled nicely at them... because she's a NICE GIRL.  They immediately started whispering and laughing to each other while they both looked at her and pointed.  I heard "ugly glasses" and my head was spinning.  C looked at me with hurt eyes and hid her face in my side and said "Why are those girls looking at me and laughing?".  I told her that they were probably very excited for school to start and they trying to figure out if she's going to be in kindergarten or first grade.  She got very excited and we started talking happily about what grade we thought those  girls were in.

She didn't have a clue. 

All she knew is that they were making her uncomfortable and I took away her self consciousness and worry in a quick second.  I'm so hurt for her. 

We don't raise our daughters to look at what a person looks like and make fun of them, or to size up what they're wearing and comment on it.  We raise them to know and accept peoples differences as a gift that makes them unique.  Our hope for our kids is that they stand up for someone that is being made fun of, not join in.  This may not make them the popular kids, but it will make them the caring kids. 

So I don't know what to do now.  I feel like I should talk to C about how kids can be mean and warn her to hold her head high when she goes to school because her glasses (and height and wavy hair and whatever else the kids will grasp on to) are what makes her perfectly C.  But on the other hand I don't want to make her worry or feel self conscious before school even starts.  I'm really not sure what to do.  I'm sure I'll figure it out.

As for the girls at church, I glared at them like the bitch I am every time they turned around, which was about every 10 seconds.  I wanted to punch their mom in the head and tell her to pay attention to what she's teaching her kids.  BUT, we were in church so I didn't punch her, I just said a prayer that C will be able to make it through without me to help her.  I know she will, it just hurts my heart... hopefully more than it hurts hers.

Perfect.

Instagram for Idiots

I've had an iPhone for a loooong time and have had instagram but never used it properly... like as a social networking tool.  I'm somewhat of a social networking idiot.  I've got "the facebook" (that's what I imagine an idiot calling it) , I've got "the twitter" (@katesmomjeans), now i've got "the instagram".  Hit me up, I'm KDCG.

PS, If you were paying attention, you know my first name.  Boom.

Sent from my iPhone

The Final 30th Birthday Post... No Really, I'm Done Now.

What's up, internets?  I'm back and better than ever.... well, I'm 30, so maybe not better than ever, but older than ever.  I have a nice break again this morning and so I'm coming to you from the big nice library at XXX University.  One thing I must say before I get into this blog today: why doesn't this library have anything good for breakfast?  I can't continue eating whole wheat bagels with low fat cream cheese, I need something with egg and meat and yellow/orange cheese.  Is that too much to ask??!

Friday was my birthday and it was an okay day, I'm always semi-depressed on my birthday.  I don't know why, I'm not at all upset about my age or what I should have accomplished or bla bla blah, I just don't love my birthday.  Another thing that put a damper on my mood... the kids don't give a shit if it's your birthday or not.  Example: D says, "Mommy's the birthday girl and gets to choose what we have for lunch!"  I decide on Chipotle, and this is the sound that comes from my children: "Mooooommmmm, Chipotle is disgusting and you always get to choose whatever you want and you always choose things that I hate.  Why is it always what yooooouuuuu want???  It's always your birthday."  Nice.  Thanks kids.  Love you, too.

So I was all grouchy and the kids were grouchy and D had a "speaking engagement" that night that he had to go to so I was annoyed about that, but R and I were going out to dinner so I was going to try to make the best of it.  We went to Cheesecake Factory (because we love to stuff our faces with anything that has the word "cheesecake" in it), had a great dinner and great drinks (with the exception of the dirty martinis that our waiter suggested.  Puke.) and my mood was looking up.

We left dinner to head to a bar to meet up with D, then downtown to meet D's bestie E and E's almost-wife F.  We got in the car and R suddenly had the worst case of diarrhea known to man (her words) so we ended up at Target where she could... um.. feel better in the bathroom.  I checked out the fake eyelashes and nail polish and once her business was complete, we were back on the road to the bar.

We walked in to the bar and SURPRISE!!!!  It was a party for me!  Turns out R didn't have diarrhea, she was just killing some time.  It's good to know that we're such good friends that diarrhea can be used as an excuse.  There were lots of old and new friends there, it was really great to see everyone and to know that they all cared enough to spend their Friday night with me.  It was a lot of fun and D did a good job putting it all together.  We closed down the bar and then headed back to our house with R and J for an after-party party.  I had a terrible hangover on Saturday, but it was well worth it.  PS, I discovered the cure for a hangover is Jeni's ice cream.  No joke, I felt a million times better.  Sad? Yes.

Next up on the schedule: G's birthday.  There will be less alcohol and more cupcakes at her party, but I hope she has as much fun as I did.

Happy Birthday to Me. From Me.

Welp, it's my birthday.  I'm 30.  I don't feel like doing a Confession Friday, and since this is my blog, I'm not going to. But, I will show you this....

The *&#$% project is finally complete!  What's that?  You don't have teal patio furniture?  I feel so bad for you!  Here are more pictures, because it took me 100 years in 200 degree weather and 800 cans of spray paint to finish, so you're going to look at it...

Happy birthday to me.

Being Old

I worked really hard yesterday to get all of my homework done for today so I actually have a relaxing break for about 40 minutes between classes.  What does this mean for you?  You can fill your brain with more of my useless ramblings...

Today I'm going to tell you what is different about going to school when you're 30 (on Friday, give me birthday presents, don't forget) rather than when you're 18.
1. The thought of going to a study group for 6-8 hours on a Saturday is comical.  I will actually laugh in your face if you suggest it.  My Saturday is spent doing things in my "real" life.
2. People ask me things about cleaning.  I'm not even kidding.  Today this sweet girl asked me if I knew how to get this stain out of her jeans.  Why?  Because I'm old that automatically means I know how to get stains out??  I told her how.  Sad.
3.  I've managed to bully my classmates into doing the reading for me and just telling me what it says.  I'm not 100% sure how I did this, but it worked and I'm not doing any reading for one of my classes, and their report on the reading is due to me on Thursday by 6pm.
4. I never touch the glass when entering or exiting a door.  Do you know how hard it is to keep glass clean with 60,000 people putting their grubby hands all over it?!  Well I do (see #2).
5. I have to go to the bathroom like a million times a day.  I cannot physically sit through an hour and 45 minute class without getting up at least twice. 

That's all for now, there's much more but I have to go pee.  Again.

R + Donnie = Love

Step by step, ooh baby!  That's right, it was the New Kids On The Block last night!  R and I were soooo excited, the concert was even better than when I was ten years old, probably because there was beer and I didn't have to beg my mom for a tee shirt.  They put on a great performance; the 19,990 screaming middle aged women and 10 men really loved it. 

After the concert was over we met some friends from high school, J1 and J2, for drinks.  J1 drove because R and I couldn't remember where our car was (oops), but unlike the sweet red pony with no power steering that she rocked in high school, J1 has an SUV with a third row seat, so we were good to go.  As much as we wanted to find a dirty campus bar where we could order cheap drinks and dance with frat boys, it was Sunday so we went to Applebees.  Next best thing!  We had a great time catching up, drinking fruity drinks and talking about our kids.  It's amazing how it doesn't feel like that much time has passed when you see old friends, we'll have to do it again soon (minus Applebees plus frat boys).

I forgot to mention that The Backstreet Boys were there too, here's a quick rundown on them... Nick Carter (who I like to call Nick Cannon on occasion) is still a douche, that little fella Brian is still little as hell, Howie was there with his SON (way to make me feel old, Howie), and AJ was my favorite BSB (back street boy, for you lame-o's) even though he had to wear hats in every set because he's bald.  It happens.

Nick Yucky Carter

NOW, on to the important stuff!  NKOTB!
Joey... First of all, why is his last name spelled McIntyre?  That's dumb.  He was pretty good, but he kept making this really weird face like he was trying to be really sultry or something but really he just looked confused.  I wanted to remind him of who and where he was.  He can really belt out Please Don't Go Girl, though.  Damn.  Jordan... He was the same as 1989.  Exactly.the.same.  Same hair, same super high pitched voice that almost made me uncomfortable.  He wasn't my fav.  There's something about his face that was just... odd.  His jaw maybe?  I don't know.  Moving on.  Jonathan... That poor thing, bless his heart.  He didn't want to be there, they need to send him back to the real estate company where he was working and leave him alone.  He was so shy, the camera was never directly on him and I don't even think he had a microphone.  Even when they introduced him by name they didn't put him on the big screen.  Bless his little heart.  Danny... Was he in prison?  No?  He looks like a criminal... and  not in a good way.  Donnie freaking Wahlberg.... Oh my gosh.  There are no words.  I thought R was going to rush the stage (and we were on the second level), I had to hold her back.  I find it unsettling that he has an 18 year old son, but I'm willing to look past it.  Donnie, say hi to your brother Mark for me!!

So that was the night.  I got ZERO pictures because I forgot my camera (booo), but I was too busy screaming like a little girl to take pictures anyway.  We had a lot of fun, it was the perfect way to say goodbye to my 20's and hello to my 30's (my official birthday is Friday for anyone who wants to throw money and presents at my face).  Thanks to mom and dad for the tickets, R and I loved them! 

Friday Confessional

It's Friday = confessional day = I'm on time for once!  I actually have been compiling this post for the last few days.  Warning, it's not for the faint of heart.  If you are offended by swear words, please look away now!
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I'm giving you a minute to look away.  Mom.
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I Confess: When I type a swear into my iphone while texting, I really do mean to swear.  I do not mean "oh shut".  I mean oh shit.  I do not mean "what the he'll".  I mean what the hell.  Enough is enough, iphone.  You can try and try and try, you will not make me a better person.  I will delete your correction and re-type my swear.  Every. Time.

I Confess: I follow this girls blog, M.O.D.G.  You have to say it like modge, not say the letters, that's dumb.  Anyway, she's hilarious.  She's my inspiration for doing paint art on my blog, like my questionable men hula hoop picture and my fit of rage molotov cocktail picture.  Anyway, M.O.D.G. opened an online store!  Her clothing items are extremely inappropriate, and I must have them.  Specifically the white tee shirt with "ass" embroidered on the front.  I just want to see people look twice, like...wait...what does that say?

I Confess: In other inappropriate news, my bloggy friend Amy showed me this little beauty of a website yesterday.  I'm dying!!  Really, by now you would think that I'm a really terrible person, and I swear I'm not, I just have the maturity of a 16 year old boy.  I want the one that says "shut your whore mouth".  Hilarious.  I wouldn't actually put it up on the wall because my kids can read, but I might give it as a gift to someone that doesn't have impressionable eyes judging watching everything they do.  Yes, C, I realise I didn't move the laundry basket when I vacuumed the rug.  Thanks for reminding me, though.

I Confess: I don't move stuff when I vacuum.  I wait until it moves on it's own. It always does.

And just for good measure, a really nice picture of my family...

China and the Timmy's

Hey blog, what's happening.  (I typed that in an Office Space voice)

Sorry I've been neglecting you lately.  I'll try harder.  So here's what's up... D got a promotion (holla!) and he absolutely loves it.  I'm super proud of him because it's a pretty prestigious thing and he worked really hard for it and it's pretty much his dream job.   And I'm not going to tell you what it is.  Because I can't.  Boo.

There are many up-sides to his job, including:
1. He loves it
2. He's meeting amazing people and going to amazing places
3. I got a part time nanny for the kids (known from here on out as R) for when I'm in school.  Turns out major universities frown on bringing your children to class.  Whatev.

The down sides:
1. I'm super jealous of his traveling and meeting cool people
2. He travels all.the.time.  He was home today for a few hours and it was the first time I had seen him since Saturday.  He won't be back till late Friday night.  It's an adjustment for all of us.

Now that the big news is out of the way, let's move on to me.  I had a midterm last week (philosophy... logic and probabilities, yuck) and one today (theories of international relations, counter intelligence, etc.), a paper on China due by 5:00 Friday that I haven't started on yet, and a midterm next Wednesday on everything China.

This pretty much sums up what the next week will look like for me.  Scary.

So, I've been busy. I'm still not finished with my patio set.  As much as I love looking out at my deck and seeing the table, it would be nicer if I had the chairs finished and could sit on it.  Clearly that's asking way too much.  Our air conditioner is being a jerk and keeps being warm air instead of cold, like that's some kind of a funny joke.  Let me assure you that it's not funny, especially when it's 100 degrees outside.  At midnight.  Not funny.

That's all for now.  Writing China paper time.  I'll try to be better at the bloggy thing this week. 

OHMYGODIALMOSTFORGOT!!!  My girl R (not nanny R, bestie R) and I are going to NKOTBSB this weekend!  Ahhhhhhhh!!!!  I love you Jordan Knight!  D thinks all of their names are Timmy.  He's so lame.  My mother in law made a really good point, though, that by combining their names into NKOTBSB it actually reads "New Kids On The Back Street Boys".  Eeew.  I'm hoping it's not like that.  We might dress in 80's stuff, haven't decided yet.  Pictures for sure next week!

Friday-ish Confessional

It's the Friday Confessional!..... just a day late.  Sorry, I've been busy.

I Confess: My creativeness has been out-of-control lately.  For normal people that would be a good thing, but I get all OCD and can't concentrate on anything else.... like, oh maybe dressing and feeding my children.  My mom called me yesterday and gave me the heads up that it was 1:00 pm, we were all still in pajamas and no one had eaten lunch.  Thankfully she brought McDonald's and broke me out of my zone.  Thanks mom.

I Confess: This gd patio set is still not finished.  I worked on it allll dayyyyy on Thursday and I finished.... the table.  That's it.  Lowe's is out of my paint color- grrrr, and it takes f o r e v e r to paint.  It looks so pretty though, I can't wait for everyone to tell me how cool I am when I post the pictures, because that will totally happen.

I Confess:  I didn't do the link-up with Mamarazzi like I usually do on the Friday Confessional because she got all weird on me last week telling me how I needed an email address and how it would make my blog so much better.  Um, I don't care what you think I need.  I blog because I like it, I'm not a professional.  But anyone out there reading can feel free to send me money.  I'm totally cool with that.

I Confess:  I've had a stressful week and haven't been eating much and today my shorts felt too big.  YES!!!!!!  Bring on the stress!!!  Is this how eating disorders start?  I sure hope not.

Okay people, last week I asked you to leave your confessions in the comments section and you didn't... except for Dottie who failed miserably when she went for her Caribou Coffee.  Stay strong, Dottie!  It feels so good to confess something, you don't have to be in church to do it and no one knows who you are, the internets is magic like that! 

Kthanksbye.

Friday Confessional

It's Friday Confessional time!  I can't think of much off the top of my head, but I'll give it a shot...

I Confess: Last night I got to hold our neighbors nine week old little baby boy for the first time and I didn't get baby fever.  What a strange feeling.  Is this what it means to know when "you're done"?  I mean, I would like to have another baby (cough-boy-cough) but I don't really want to do the whole baby thing again.  I like sleeping too much.

I Confess: I've been SUPER crafty lately (mostly in my head, not actually doing things that are crafty) and yesterday I actually started a project!  My mom recently found a wrought iron table and set of four chairs at a yard sale for $15 (!!!!) but it's that hunter green eew gross color.  I figured I would paint it black but then I saw this on one of my favorite blogs and decided to go for something different.  I'll post pictures as soon as it's done.

I Confess: I went to Jeni's twice in two days this week.  This is not helping my dreams of losing weight.  Notice I called it a dream, I'm not really doing anything about it, so it would be considered a dream.  I am getting no-fat/no-whip lattes at Starbucks.  I suppose that counts for something.

I Confess: The Jeni's website is in my favorites bar.  I suck.

Now what do you have to confess?  Leave it in the comments please!  Kthanksbye.