What is "f E-MAIL"? Female? Email? Discuss.

I'm still putting together G's birthday post... I feel bad that it isn't up yet, but my computer is being dumb and won't let me put pictures on the blog right now.  Whatev.  It'll happen someday soon.  In the meantime, here is the end of summer quarter post... bring on the drama.

Last week was my first finals week in a reaaaaaalllllyyyy long time.  I was stressed about it and have some pretty good grades in my classes that I was hoping to keep, so I wanted to try my best but I had other things weighing on my mind, too.  People that I go to school with just cannot comprehend that there are other things in peoples lives besides school, classes, homework, reading, beer.  I know, I'm old and lame, but I'm a busy lame old woman.

There was this girl in one of my classes who put together a study group.  I'll call her Study Group Nazi.  She formed this study group which was really nice, but then she got all crazy and started delegating tasks and only allowing certain people in... it was strange.  For some strange reason I was one of her chosen few that was allowed in the study group.  She had four group meetings before the final.  I missed the first two and Study Group Nazi was none too pleased.  But, I made it to the last two and that was good enough for me. 

So here's what happened.  Our final was Tuesday, so all day Monday there were mass emails going out to the whole class from deadbeats who didn't go to class wanting people to help them and there was every excuse you could think of- my grandma was dying, I got evicted half way through the quarter, bla bla blah.  Basically I don't feel bad for anyone because if my ass could be there with two kids and a husband, your ass could be there too.  Anyway there was this one email that was so interesting, here's what it said (this is a direct copy of the email):

"i HAVE BEEN IN JAIL. I HAVENT GOT THE CHANCE TO EXAMINE THE STUDY GUIDE PRIOR TO MY RELEASE. PLEASE CAN i GET A f E-MAIL...FOR HELP"

Whaaaattttttt??  What is a "f E-MAIL"?  And why is it underlined?  No thank you.  So Monday night I went to study group and we were chatting about our jail-bait classmate when Study Group Nazi says that this guy found her on campus today and said he heard about this study group and could he come?  She says no, only people that she invited could come and he wasn't invited...???  Who says that?!  Study Group Nazi does.  We start going over our study guide when our newly out of jail classmate comes strolling by, giving us all really mean creeper looks.  We're all semi-freaking out (even the boys) but trying to ignore him when he slams a note up on the door that says something like "I'll give $50 to anyone who will tutor me" and his phone number.  We tell our Nazi leader that this has to stop and to just invite him in because he's so dumb he probably won't retain any knowledge anyway, but at least he'll stop disturbing us.  She gives in to our pleas and goes to find him and ask him if he wants to come in.  He says he will but he needs to bring his bodyguard.  WHAAAAA????  Bodyguard??!! 

Ok, so the bodyguard looked like he had just recently... as in within the last two minutes... smoked meth.  He has sores all over his face and arms and hands, he's filthy dirty, and he literally cannot keep his eyes open. He isn't sleeping, he's just extremely high.  The young man sitting next to me is immediately uncomfortable and grabs his laptop and backpack and is out of there.  I, however, needed a good grade in the class so I stick around. 

Mr. McJail has no paper or pen so he takes a paper out of the trash can and borrows a pen from one of my more brave (and not afraid of contracting a diseases) classmates.  The bodyguard is in and out of consciousness, his head occasionally hitting the table.  He almost turned the chair over more than once.  Every now and then he'll try to add to the conversation with something like "Syria is south of Turkey"... and it is.  A sweet girl in our class showed up with a bag of donuts and the bodyguard swiped it out of her hands and dug through to pick his favorite.  Needless to say no one else ate donuts.  McJail did promise us that he would bring us all a gift the next day at the final for letting him come in.  Hmmm, a little bit of drugs?  Use of the bodyguard?  I don't know what he had in mind because he didn't show up for the final.  Shocker.

The study group wasn't over until about 10:30 that night and I wasn't about to walk out to my car alone so I had someone else go with me.  We made it out alive, thank goodness.  I did snap a picture of the bodyguard but I'm too afraid to put it online.  Only bad things can come of that.