They Want For Nothing

This past week I was at Target shopping for a friends daughters birthday gift.  While I was perusing the kitchen aisles (for me, not the five year old) I ran into a former coworker... I'll call her SB (and no, shockingly enough that does not stand for son of a bitch).  Here's how it went down:

Me: Hi SB!

SB: (Uncomfortable smile like she didn't know who I was) Oh...hi.

Me: (Continue to shop because clearly she doesn't remember me)

SB: So, how are your kids doing? 

Me: (Shocked because she remembered me)  They're good, how is E doing?

SB: Oh, E is WONDERFUL!  She's four and a half now, she's the joy of our lives.  She goes to the very prestigious preschool nearby.  She's amazingly smart.  I spent a lot of time cultivating her love for reading.

Me: Neat.

SB: (Eyes the toys in my cart) Are you shopping for your kids?  We're shopping for the family we adopted for Christmas.  It's so important to teach E the importance of giving.

Me: Wow, that's so admirable of you (gag me with a spoon).  I'm actually shopping for a birthday gift for a friends daughter.

SB:  I hate when people buy gifts for E.  We want for nothing.

She actually said "We want for nothing".  Can you believe that?!?  I honestly didn't know what to say!  I mumbled something and quickly got away from SB, her dork ass husband and sweet little E.

A few hours minutes later I was looking at an Us magazine and not paying attention to which checkout line I was in when I realized I was right behind SB.  Crap.  We made more horribly awkward small talk.  Then, coming from the back of the store I started to hear the ear piercing screams of an over the top tantrum.

Me: My kids would never pull that in public.

SB: Ummm... I think that's E.  She's been making poor choices today, right now she's choosing to not leave the store.

SB gathered her bags and met her nerd husband in front of the exit door.  E was laying on the floor, face down, legs kicking.  SB leaned over and spoke softly to her darling little E about making the right choice and getting up off of the floor.  She didn't.  I stepped over E and smiled sweetly at SB as I left the store.

"Good luck with that", I said.

I guess they do want for something.  Manners.... and maybe a spanking.