The usual nonsense.

I know how much you all love my random ramblings, so here's a present for you...

1. Today when I was at Kroger frantically searching for the Skinny Girl display I heard some old women telling the wine guy that they were looking for F-ing A wine.  They said F-ing A like 25 times before I said-- I'm sorry, are you saying EFFING A?  Yes, they said.  Ok, that's cool.

2. Yesterday I wore leggings to school because I haven't shaved my legs in approximately eight days and I had no other choice, even though it was 90 degrees.  You  could see the hair on my legs from at least six feet away, and that's not cool. 

3.  This evening I went to the tree house to get my hair busted, and I took a couple of bottles of Skinny Girl with me.  It was fun and my hair looks amazing.  Enough said. 

4. I got 100% on a midterm this week for the second time in my back-to-college career!!  I was excited about it, it's not easy to do that in a 500-level poly sci class!  I'm kind of awesome.

5. My toes have been painted two different colors for over a week.  My left foot is Essie "Go Overboard" and my right is Essie "A List".

**Note, they look WAY different in real life than on the essie site** 

Ok, so I've been rocking the two colors because I took them both to the beach for after my real pedi chipped off... which it did after about 8 minutes in the sand. I couldn't decide which color I wanted so I did one foot each color.  IT FREAKING ROCKS!!!  It seriously looks amazing, I've had so many compliments on it, I think I'm going to do two different colors forever.

6. I have three weeks before I graduate and I'm dragging ass over the finish line.  Just make it end.  Please. 



Let's talk about swimwear, shall we?

Hey y'all.  I've been busy, sorry for the lack of posts.  Tonight I'm eating pretzels with Boursin cheese and wine (I'm classy), so I thought I would blog for a bit. 
I have sort of big news that's really only big for me, but I don't care, you can read about it too.  One day last week I was perusing my usual blogs (Dottie, you need to blog soon), and I came across MODG's swimwear rant.  And it spoke to me.

I've been pretty happy with my body lately (although the wine and pretzels and cheese probably aren't helping), I definately don't look as good in the um........stomach area........as I did ten years ago, but I've had two kids.  Give me a break.  So I bought a new one piece suit this year and it's really cute.

AND I SWEAR I DIDN'T PAY THAT MUCH FOR IT!!!! (in case D is reading this)

But I wanted a two piece.  I was thinking about it, and the last time I wore a two piece was the summer after I got married.  That was eight years ago.  Really.  That's pathetic. 

So after I read MODG's post (see above), I decided that I was done feeling self conscious.  No, I don't look like I did when I was 18, I've had two 8.5lb babies that gave me tiger stripe stretch marks all over my stomach, but I feel good about where I am.  I don't want to teach my girls that they should be ashamed about their body because someone might look at their *percieved* imperfections.  I'm me because I like to eat ice cream and drink wine and I've been a house to two baby girls.  So sue me.

I'll be wearing a two piece at the beach this year.  I'm going to have to spray tan my stomach so it doesn't blind anyone, but I'll be in the two piece.  I ordered it from J.Crew and it should be here tomorrow. Eeeeekkkkk!!!  Excited!

I SWEAR I DIDN'T PAY THAT MUCH, D, LEAVE ME ALONE!!!

Here's how my day went.....

I sent this email this morning, I thought I would share.  Names and identifying info have been left out, for obvious reasons...

Dear Instructor of Terrible Class,

After attending the first session yesterday of your class I promptly made an appointment with my advisor to find another class. After speaking with my advisor, she encouraged me to email both you and your department chair to share why I decided to drop your class. I have copied your department chair on this email.

My concern with you as an instructor began when you chose to teach the first class without wearing shoes or socks. Although I have had numerous instructors that were more casual, none have taken it quite to that level of unprofessionalism.

The lack of shoes and socks were not my greatest concern, however. That came when you asked who in the class is a graduating senior, I was the only one to raise my hand. You proceeded to tell me that you weren't "trying to be a dick", but that if I weren't successful in your class you would keep me from graduating.  Dear Instructor, I am well aware of the standards of this university, and am well aware of how well I must do in my classes to graduate. I am a mother of two young daughters, my husband is deployed with the Army in Afghanistan, and I have maintained a 3.6 GPA while single parenting and attending classes full time as a non-traditional student. I am not afraid of hard work. While you might have been trying not to be a "dick", your vocabulary and lack of professionalism proved otherwise.

I truly hope that you don't think that the workload in your class caused me to reconsider. I am a Political Science major, all I do is read, I was not intimidated by the amount of reading you assigned. It was your attitude and lack of professionalism that caused me to drop the class. I have never encountered an instructor such as yourself during my time at XXX University. I am quite sure that this is not the standard that our university tries to uphold.

Best,
KB

OH YES I DID.

This afternoon was total crap.

Just from 2:45 on.  What happened at 2:45??  I picked C up from school.  She's not always bad, usually she's really pleasant, but today she must have taken a nasty pill because she was walking around with a storm cloud above her head that didn't want to blow away. 

We were scheduled to skype with D at 3:15, which meant that she could go play on the playground with her friends (who she spends the entire day with) for a few minutes, but not as long as we usually do.  I informed her of this as we were walking to the playground, so it wouldn't come as a shock.  I figured she would be pleased to talk to her dad.  Wrong.

Fast forward fifteen minutes and it's time to go, I ask G to tell C that it's time to go, G runs over to her and runs back and says to me with wide eyes, "C says she doesn't care what you say."  Rude.  So I yell to C that we're leaving NOW and she needs to come on.  She drags ass over to me, walking like a snail, and refuses to hold my hand in the parking lot.  Way to show me who's boss.

After throwing one-liners at her sister and I the entire way home (G isn't fun to play with.....you don't pack me good lunches.......this car smells [and it totally doesn't!]), I sent her to her room.  She stewed in there until she heard her dad's voice and was ready to come out and talk.  After the skype session she had more nasty things to say to her sister and was sent back to her room for a good 45 minutes.  I was over her.

She was reading when I went in to tell her it was time for dinner.  She seemed better... she really fooled me.  After dinner we went to Target.  In the dollar aisle I told she and G they could get squirt bottles to spray each other with outside.  C informed me that she would be picking out a real toy in the toy aisle.  Ummm, nooooo, I didn't offer you a real toy, you can have a squirt bottle or nothing.  She bitched some more, so she got nothing.  She cried all the way through Target (five minutes, I only needed one thing) and all the way home.

When we got home I sent her to bed.  It was 6:15.  She got in her bead and screamed until she VOMITED.

Oh, hell no.

I calmly explained to her that the reason she vomited was because she was freaking her shit out and needed to calm down.  I took her vom blanket away and now she only has a sheet.  That's what happens when you give yourself the pukes.

Now she's quiet.  I don't care if she's asleep or not, I just want her to leave me alone.  She was soooo baaddddd today.  Do you ever have those days, when as soon as you see your child glare at you from across the parking lot you just know it's going to suck?  I hope I'm not the only one. 

Eight Years In A Nutshell. Happy Anniversary To Me And The D-ster!

Happy Anniversary!  Today D and I celebrated (not together, of course) eight years together.  So I thought it would be appropriate to tell you a little about us, and you know how much I love numbered lists.  Two birds with one stone...

We started dating when we were seventeen, we were seniors in high school.  I can't find a picture of us on my computer (we didn't have fancy things like digital cameras in high school), but I'll find one and add it to the post later.

We never broke up.  Ever.  You know how it is in high school, you fight and break up, get back together, break up, talk shit about the other person, date their best friend... you get the idea.  We didn't do that.  Ever.  We got along, and when we didn't get along we talked about it and worked it out.  We respected each other, and still do.

D went away to XXX University and I joined him shortly after.  We ate a lot of taco's and pancakes (okay, mostly it was me eating the pancakes), and skipped a lot of class.  I'm still paying for both- pancakes and skipping class. 

In 2001 D proposed to me... in CLEVELAND.  I'm sorry if you're from Cleveland, I don't mean to offend, but Cleveland totally sucks.  It's dirty, it's grey, it's Cleveland.  I had won an all expenses paid trip to Cleveland (by all expenses paid I mean a dinner cruise on lake... something... whatever lake Cleveland is near... and one night at a Holiday Inn Express), and D thought it would be the perfect time to propose.  It may not have been perfect, but he did it and we came home from Cleveland excited to start planning our wedding.

We didn't get married until 2004, we figured we would finish college first.  HAHAHAHA!  Funny joke.  By the time we were married we had been together almost six years.  Our wedding was really nice, but we had the worst photographer EVER!  We thought he was awesome from the fake pictures he showed us that weren't actually his work.  I didn't even get wedding pictures for almost two years!  Here's an example of our awesome wedding pictures:

This is an edited image they gave us.  You can't even see our faces.  And the color... exquisite.

Almost immediately after we were married, D deployed.  You can read about that here.  And almost immediately after he returned we got pregnant with baby C. 

Please disregard the greasy hair and puffy face.  Thanks.

Two years later we welcomed baby G, and the rest is history. 

I love this picture.

We've lived in five different places, we've welcomed two baby girls, we're on our second deployment, and we love each other unconditionally.

So Happy Anniversary, D!  Eight down, sixty to go, and I can't wait!

Monday Night Confessional

Y'all.

D landed in the devil's lair last week, and we're off and rolling.  Let's get this bull shit over with sooner rather than later.*  I've been able to compartmentalise again (if you have no idea what I'm talking about, read this) and I'm feeling much more stable... not that I was unstable, but I'm not crying anymore, so that's good.

I've been sick for a full week.  I have a headache, super sore throat, nausea, no energy.  Good times.  I went to urgent care yesterday and they told me I have a virus, but if I'm not better by Wednesday (in two days) I'll need to have some blood work done.  I need to get better, I don't have time for this.

I can't really think of anything else to write about right now.  I don't want to quit on the blog, I really don't, I'm just going to keep writing, even when I have nothing to write about... like today.

Here's something...

Confession, I'm watching Sister Wives right now.  Janelle has lost weight and can now go hiking with Kody.  I can sleep easier at night.

Confession #2, I DVR the series.

Confession #3, I've noticed that the daughter of one of the wives hasn't been on this season, and I'm going to get to the bottom of this.


*Side note, I'm going to use profanity from here on out.  If you don't like it, I'm sorry.  It's me and this is who I am... love me or hate me.

No Tears on Monday. Probably.

Today I did not cry... I don't think I did, anyway.  Don't quote me on that.

Yesterday was a TRAIN WRECK, which you may know from reading yesterday's post.  My poor neighbor walked in on the worst of it, she was just trying to bring over some cake pans she borrowed and she walked in to a shit storm of tears.  She almost always texts or calls before coming over, but yesterday she just thought she would pop over quickly.  Her mistake!

I was s o b b i n g when she knocked on the door, I'm sure she was horrified, but she put on a brave face and gave me good hugs and stuck around until I calmed down.  Good stuff.

Anyway, today I didn't cry.  I don't think.  It's the little things.

Today Sucked.

I sit down and write a post from time to time, but I rarely publish because I feel like it's too depressing.  Today is one of those days.  Who knows if I'll actually publish this..........

D was home on leave for eleven and a half days.  He was supposed to have fourteen days, I feel robbed.  Also, he was gone for four months before he came home on leave, which means that we still have twice as long as we've already been through before he comes home for good.  Saying goodbye is so hard.  Today at the airport it was like everyone knew what we were doing, everyone gave me the sad eyes.  I hate the sad eyes.  There is a mom at C's school that gives me the sad eyes all the time and says "How are you doing, honeyyyyy?"  I want to say- how are you doing??  You're almost 50 years old and pregnant with your sixth child?  How are YOU doing, honey?

Today at the airport the woman at the ticket counter asked me if I wanted to go back to the gate with him and wait for his plane.  I wasn't crying at the ticket counter, I didn't even think I looked that bad.  I guess she figured out where he was going from his destination and his Army duffel bag. I told her no, thank you.  She kept pushing, and I kept saying no, she kept pushing... all you need is a drivers license...then I started crying and told her that we know what we're doing, it's easier to just say goodbye and get it over with.  This is not our first time at the rodeo.  More sad eyes.  How nice of her to make me explain my reasoning.  That was just what I needed.

D texted me later and he said that multiple people saw us saying goodbye and approached him in the terminal to ask where he was going.... which I think is strange, but whatever.  One woman wanted to sit and talk about it.  He told her that he really didn't feel like talking right now. 

I'm still working on how to move the scariness about this deployment to the background again.  I had the scariness in the background, very compartmentalised.  The day to day was what I thought about.  Where are the kids going after school today?  What does C need to bring for share day?  What homework am I not doing today?

 A month ago we lost some soldiers from here in our town, that we know.  Now it's hard to get that uneasy feeling out of the foreground.  I think about it every day.  I think about their wives every single day.  I think about how that could very easily be me.

Today sucks.  I feel nauseous.  I hope not too many people read this, it's so depressing.  But, this is my life today.  Tomorrow will be better, I hope.

Out of the Woods

This deployment has been really hard.  I'm trying so hard to be patient with the kids, especially C who had a really difficult time adjusting.  Last week was the best week she's had and she started this week with a great day today.

I've been feeling like maybe we're out of the woods.  Maybe we'll do okay and it won't be as hard as I imagined it would be... as I was afraid it would be, especially after the horrible weeks we had after D left. 

But I've been afraid to say it outloud, thinking I would jinx our progress.  Afraid that she would slip back into screaming and meltdowns. 

Today as I was putting her to bed I gave her a hug and she whispered in my ear...

 "Mom, you're doing a great job."

That made it all okay.  We're out of the woods. 



Me And My Twin Kirstie Alley

I do realise that I said that I was going to keep this thing up to date, but life is crazy, so my apologies.  D has been gone for three weeks now and I'm finding that I have very little free time to blog... most of my free time is taken up by Pinterest cleaning.

Let me tell you a little bit about this quarter at XXX University.  It's winter quarter which means that it's cold as hell and not fun.  This quarter I've embraced the buses on campus because I'm over walking everywhere.  Maybe if I didn't have to wear snow pants to walk around campus it would be different, but I'm not a fan of snow pants so I take the bus.  I hear lots of conversations on the bus, but one from this week was really entertaining.

This girl was complaining to her friend about how her boyfriend (Johnny) decided that they were going to have dinner the night before at Jersey Mikes (a sandwich shop that this girl hates) and they didn't get there until like 5 minutes until 10 and they closed at ten.  After they got their food the people that worked there told them they couldn't eat there because they were about to close (duh) and she was "furious" because she had ordered a fountain soda.  She would have never ordered a fountain soda if she knew she had to eat in the car.  Then they went to the movies and she refused to bring her fountain soda in from the car and Johnny wouldn't let her get another soda because she had wasted the one he already bought her by leaving it in the car.  She's so in love with Johnny and she hopes they get married.

Whaaaa??? 

A few things stand out to me here:

1.  Johnny sounds like a tool bag.  Who makes you eat somewhere that you hate?  Side note- I like Jersey Mikes and had it for dinner last night, this girl is obviously dumb.

2.  Who says fountain soda?  Who says soda?

2.  Has she never had a drink with a straw in the car before?

3.  Johnny wouldn't let her get another drink?  Who is this Johnny?

4.  She should definitely marry Johnny, he sounds like a catch and they're both obviously mature enough to handle a marriage.  She was hoping that maybe she could bring up the idea of marriage at her sorority's winter formal.  Good luck with that.

On another note, I've been hitting the gym this week.  I've decided it's time to not feel like pre-DWTS Kirstie Alley anymore.

We're basically twins.

So as I'm sitting here writing this I can barely lift my arms and every time I move it feels like my "abs"... if you can call them that... are going to rip in half.  Good times.  My goal is to lose 500 pounds by the time D gets home.  Yes, I do realize that I don't have that much weight on my body but I figure I'll aim high.

Ok, so we're up to date again. I'll try harder next time I swear.

Winter Is Here. NOOOOOOO!!!!!!

This week has been a rough one.  C is not adjusting to this deployment transition very well and she's making life at our house really difficult.  I'm trying to be extra patient with her (which for me is like most peoples zero patience level.... I'm not a patient person) and we started talking this morning about verbally expressing what emotions we're having- frustration, anger, sadness, anxiousness- rather than just going into meltdown mode.  Meltdown mode has been our baseline this week. Not cool.  I don't really know that her behavior is because of the deployment, she tends to be a little more up and down with her moods anyway, but I'm assuming this has something to do with it.

C's 6th birthday is coming up and my friend B posted a link to a living social deal on facebook for a ridiculously cheap birthday package at a local dance studio. I suggested it to C and she says, "no, I'm having a sewing party." Whaaaa????? What is a sewing party?? I'm imagining a bunch of five and six year olds (and one three year old, G) with needles. Does that sound fun to you? How many band aids would I have to buy for this party? I'm still working on changing her mind on this one. Although, B is an amazing party planner so if C does manage to convince me to go along with the sewing party I'm counting on B to help me decorate in a super cute needle and band aid theme. Wish me luck, both with her mood swings and with the birthday business.

In other news, it's snowing today.  Gross.  I'm not a fan of winter and all her cruel jokes, like snow and ice and wind that cuts your face off.  There is nothing worse than walking around one of the largest colleges in the US when it's 7 degrees.  You think you'll duck behind a building to escape the blowing snow and then BAM you walk into a wind tunnel.  It's just not my cup of tea. You should see what I wear to my classes, I will wear anything to stay warm, I don't care what people think of me.  Jeans tucked into snow boots with a sweatshirt circa 2002?  Yup!  Mittens, neon green scarf and an umbrella to block the wind when it's not even raining?  Sign me up!  Looking nice... or just normal... is not a priority for me in the winter, a big apology to all of my fellow students who are forced to see me every day.  I'll try harder in the spring.  Maybe.

I'll Kill You, Skype.

No seriously, I will.

After the old computer drank the wine and I got the new one up and running D and the girls and I were all ready for some good old fashioned family Skyping.  Skype was working great on the old-new computer, we tested it out before he left, so it should work right on the NEW-new computer, right?

Wrong.

I get a stupid Windows error message every time I log in, and then the system closes.  Every time it happens I get all worked up and mad and end up eating a bunch of chocolate covered cherries.  Not cool, Skype.  Not cool.  I decided today was the day that we figure out why my computer and Skype are fighting. 

I have a membership to a super secret members only technology club (called AT&T tech support) so I called them.  They took remote access of my computer, and probably stole all of my bank account numbers, and worked on it for two and a half hours.  They ran every scan known to man and they say my computer is good to go, it's a Skype issue. 

I sort of find this hard to believe because it worked on the exact same wine computer, but whatev.  I actually felt bad for Gil, the AT&T guy.  The conversation (via online chat) went something like this:

Me-  Thanks for spending so much time working on it.

Gil-  I'm so sorry I've failed you, Mrs B.

Me-  It's ok, I'll take it up with Skype I guess.

Gil-  We tried our hardest and failed.

Me-  Seriously, thanks for spending so much time on it, I really appreciate it.  It's going to be ok.

Gil-  Sometimes even when we do all we can, we still are failures.

Me-  For real, Gil.  Thanks.  Please don't hurt yourself.

So after I talked Gil down off the ledge I went on and downloaded an older version of Skype that appears to be working.  If not, you'll hear my screams of aggravation later when D and I try to Skype.

On a lighter note, tomorrow marks one week since D left.  Every week that he's away is one week closer to coming home, so I'm happy to mark another day off of the calendar!  Bring on Tuesday! 

Seriously, though, Skype really needs to work.  Enough is enough.

Let's Bring This Up To Date, Shall We?

Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, blah blah blah blahhhhhhhh.

It's been far too long since I've blogged, I missed Christmas and New Years and here we are, well into January.  Let's just say I've been a bit, um...busy.  Here's a little taste of what's been happening in my life the past month.

1. School.  Going into finals I was sitting with a D average in one class and pretty sure I was going to do about the same in my *&%$ foreign language, too.  I had a FIFTEEN PAGE paper to write (I'm not as young as I used to be and those papers don't come flying out of my ass like they used to) and finals to take.  I asked for an extension on my paper and got it, I didn't have to turn in my paper until after the final.  Yay for me.  Then came the day of my finals and......

2. The car accident.  See below.

Just FYI, my car is the one that isn't the Mercedes SUV.  In case you were wondering.

On my way to take my finals a Russian mail order bride smashed into me and ripped my engine in half.  The car was totaled and I had to go to the hospital for xrays and stuff.  So we were down a car and I had a sprained wrist and burns from the airbag, and I had to reschedule all of my finals.  I'm soooo glad I didn't have the girls with me, I would have had to throw down with the Russian.  I did end up the quarter with A's and B's, though, so I'm happy with that.

3.  Christmas, and all that goes along with it.  It was a great Christmas, I have zero pictures because I needed a new camera and refused to continue taking crappy pictures with my old one.  I really showed the old camera who's boss, it sat on my desk and I have no photos.  Fail.  We all got everything we wanted and more, although I'm pretty peeved that C tells everyone her favorite gift was the teddy bear.  Of course this bear was an afterthought and cost me $4 at Target two days before Christmas.  Of course her favorite gift wouldn't be the beyond expensive American Girl doll (with accessories) that she asked for for months.  But whatever, Merry Christmas and enjoy your $4 bear.  I got my new camera, tons of shoes (all of which I needed...ish), a new laptop and much more.  We were very blessed.

4. NYE.  Every year we have a princess party for the kids on NYE.  We started this tradition three or four years ago when we realized that we coulnd't find a babysitter and it would probably be years before we could go out and party again, we might as well have some fun with the kids.  The king (D) makes a delicious fancy dinner (fish sticks and peas, gag) for the princesses while the queen (me) helps them get dressed and puts makeup on them... this is a huge deal.  Then I announce their presence to the king and he serves them a candlelit dinner with milk in wine glasses.  It's very fancy.  After they go to bed we make a really good dinner for ourselves and watch a movie (think Super Troopers) then watch the ball drop.

This year was a little bit different, though.  We did the princess stuff for the kids, but niether one of us was much in the spirit of celebrating because....

5. We started the deployment.  A couple of days after our NYE celebration D left.  Needless to say, it was a very hard day filled with many tears.  He'll come home on leave at some point, but won't be home for good until this time next year.  We've had a tough week, some days are better than others, and some minutes are better than others.  This is not our first deployment as a married couple, but our first since we've had kids.  It's a very different experience with the kids, not harder or easier, but different.  We're making it through, though.

The night he left I was so tired, I didn't sleep at all the night before and had cried off and on all day, I was physically and emotionally exhausted.  I poured myself a nice healthy glass of red wine and sat down on the couch with my brand new laptop.  You see where this is going.

6.  The laptop drank the wine.  It was ruined.  I was hysterical.  D was on a layover and I was able to text him and tell him what happened, I think I managed to accurately portray my hysterics in the texts because he texted back with "Love you, don't stress.  Buy a new one right now, I don't care how much it is."  This is not a phrase normally uttered by a husband, 'Buy a new one right now, I don't care how much it is', and I didn't ask questions.  I ordered a new one immediately and it was shipped next day and I'm typing on it now.  There will be no liquids within a ten foot radius of the laptop at all times.

That brings me to today.  My friends and family have been amazing this week.  My bestie R came over the day that D left (which was her birthday) with wine, Oreos and kleenex.  You really can't ask for more than that.  I can't thank her enough for giving up her birthday to cry with me.  My parents and R have watched the girls about a million times in the last five days, my neighbors have brought us dinner and a coconut cream pie- holla!, and taken my trash to the curb on trash day, and my good friend B had us over for a playdate and dinner last night.  I'm very lucky to have a great support system, something that many people don't have.

I'm going to try really hard to keep up with my blogging this year.  I've really slacked the last couple of months and I need to keep it going, it keeps me sane and I need an outlet for my bitterness and sarcasm.  I'm not going to post my blog entries to facebook anymore because I don't want everyone in the facebook friend world knowing what's up with my business (pronounced bidness) so you'll have to take it upon yourself to get off your lazy butt and read without me spoonfeeding it to you.  Sorry. 

Peace out, and happy Saturday.  Now let's watch some NFL.

Christmas Card Public Service Announcement

I have an announcement to make:

I WILL NOT BE SENDING OUT CHRISTMAS CARDS THIS YEAR.

I had to get that off my chest.  I don't have time to do it, I feel bad about it but whatever.  I just can't do it this year.  I'm supposed to be studying and paper writing right now (which I am) but I kept hearing this little voice....

....when are you going to do the cards?

....what picture will you use?

....you'll have to take them to the post office because our mail man is the walking kind of mail man and it would be mean to give him 100 cards to stick in his mail pouch for his long walk.

....what are you going to put on the cards?  Merry Christmas from the B's, don't forget D is going to have rockets shot at his face this year, so let's all wish him well.

So there you go, no cards. 

But still send them to me because I like putting them on my fridge and counting how many friends I have.  Shout out SN for being the first one on my fridge!  Holla!

They Want For Nothing

This past week I was at Target shopping for a friends daughters birthday gift.  While I was perusing the kitchen aisles (for me, not the five year old) I ran into a former coworker... I'll call her SB (and no, shockingly enough that does not stand for son of a bitch).  Here's how it went down:

Me: Hi SB!

SB: (Uncomfortable smile like she didn't know who I was) Oh...hi.

Me: (Continue to shop because clearly she doesn't remember me)

SB: So, how are your kids doing? 

Me: (Shocked because she remembered me)  They're good, how is E doing?

SB: Oh, E is WONDERFUL!  She's four and a half now, she's the joy of our lives.  She goes to the very prestigious preschool nearby.  She's amazingly smart.  I spent a lot of time cultivating her love for reading.

Me: Neat.

SB: (Eyes the toys in my cart) Are you shopping for your kids?  We're shopping for the family we adopted for Christmas.  It's so important to teach E the importance of giving.

Me: Wow, that's so admirable of you (gag me with a spoon).  I'm actually shopping for a birthday gift for a friends daughter.

SB:  I hate when people buy gifts for E.  We want for nothing.

She actually said "We want for nothing".  Can you believe that?!?  I honestly didn't know what to say!  I mumbled something and quickly got away from SB, her dork ass husband and sweet little E.

A few hours minutes later I was looking at an Us magazine and not paying attention to which checkout line I was in when I realized I was right behind SB.  Crap.  We made more horribly awkward small talk.  Then, coming from the back of the store I started to hear the ear piercing screams of an over the top tantrum.

Me: My kids would never pull that in public.

SB: Ummm... I think that's E.  She's been making poor choices today, right now she's choosing to not leave the store.

SB gathered her bags and met her nerd husband in front of the exit door.  E was laying on the floor, face down, legs kicking.  SB leaned over and spoke softly to her darling little E about making the right choice and getting up off of the floor.  She didn't.  I stepped over E and smiled sweetly at SB as I left the store.

"Good luck with that", I said.

I guess they do want for something.  Manners.... and maybe a spanking.

Tramp Dusting

Pop quiz!  What's worse than stepping in dog poop while trying to get the dog untangled from your swing set??  Getting the poop ON YOUR HANDS.  I can't even tell you.  Number one, the dog is eight years old and we've had the swing set for a solid four years...and yet....she still manages to get herself wound so tightly around the slide that she's choking herself.  It's so cold out (which in itself pisses me off) and I have to go traipsing through the yard to get her.  Add to that feces on your hands and you've got yourself a hell of a Thursday.

This could be the worst segue ever, but...

Have I ever told you how much I despise cooking dinner?  Well I do.  It's not so much the cooking of the dinner, but the planning that goes into it.  D has been home in the evenings and did a beautiful job of grocery shopping for the week and planning all the meals.  Tonight he's out of town, and while I know exactly what there is to cook for dinner tonight (because he left me a note), I'm taking the kids to Wendy's.  Whatever.  I had poop on my hands, I can't cook for at least 36 hours.  That's a rule, right??  While D's gone I'm trying to get the house cleaned, sometimes it's just easier when he isn't here.  The girls have started showing interest in helping me clean, so I gave them each a dusting rag and sprayed them (not in the face) with dusting spray and let them go to town.  They are both currently jumping on the mini trampoline in the living room and telling me how much fun dusting is.  They're obviously confused, I usually don't jump on the mini-tramp when I dust.  Usually.

Last weekend we had a lovely dinner with old friends, E and F the newlyweds, and R and J the non-marrieds.  We had a really fun time with a smidge too much wine, but it was so nice being out with old friends.  Apologies to the staff at the restaurant...  It kind of turned into a disaster, but boy was it fun!

We had our first ever parent teacher conferences this week for C.  It was so exciting!  We were running about two minutes late and I was screaming at D to "RUN FASTER!!!" through the parking lot.  Our faces were all red when we got into her classroom and I noticed that D had a little snot coming out of his nose because it was so cold, her teacher must have thought we were real winners.  But it didn't matter because C is a fabulous student who is very kind to everyone in the class and a joy to have around, and that's all we wanted to hear!

Last but not least..... I GOT MY HAIR CUT!  I cut about six inches off on Tuesday, I'm still getting used to it but I really like it so far.  I went to the most relaxing place on earth, and as usual I wasn't disappointed.

Happy Thursday and Poop-Free Hand Wishes,
K

Holla-ween!

Holla!  It's the Halloween post!  The girls were the cutest ice cream cones EVER!  My mom and I made the costumes, I found my inspiration here, but changed it to make it more comfy... and cuter!

The cone sisters

G wanted to be chocolate ice cream.  I couldn't make that happen, but she still told people she was chocolate.  People were confused.  Good times.




The chocolate cone

C wanted to be strawberry but understood that she wasn't... unlike her sister.

The non-strawberry cone

Discussing the best route to take

She hadn't even had any candy yet.  Scary.

C took her swirls off, they were sliding down her butt which made candy collecting too difficult.  Obviously this was unacceptable.



Grandpa came with us, in Daddy's absence.  He was the umbrella carrier.

G and Grandpa sorting her candy.  Yes, I have a blue door.  Go ahead and judge.

The Rundown: Thursday Edition

I swear to you, I could murder the iPad some days.  I wrote this whole long nice post yesterday, and even checked my spelling which is rare, and clicked the little publish button and....nothing.  It lost the post.  So annoying.  Anywho, I've decided that the best way for me to blog is to not compose something that is one coherent thought in paragraph form.  I'm going to give you what's on my mind, short and sweet in list form.  Here you go...

1.  I had a great meeting with my advisor yesterday.  He told me that if I petition to get out of Hungarian 104 then I can graduate after fall quarter.  If not, I'm screwed.  Well, he didn't say 'You're screwed', but he should have.  Basically XXX University is switching from quarters to semesters beginning next fall and they're going to convert all the hours I have (if I'm still there and don't graduate after summer quarter) from quarter hours to semester hours and he pretty much told me that I'll lose hours and have to take more classes.  NOOOOO!  I can't let this happen.  So I'm going to petition to get out of Hungarian 104 because it's not offered in the summer, only in the fall, which will be bad.  I'm just going to look at them and say "Beszelek nagyon jól magarul!".  See if you can figure that one out.

2.  D has been gone at training for two weeks and he comes home today, the girls and I are so excited!  Today as I was dropping C off at school she hopped out of the car and said "Mrs. M, my daddy comes  home today!!!"  I almost cried, it was so sweet!  All of her teachers know what's going on with the deployment and where D has been for the last two weeks, so Mrs. M was really excited for her and gave her a big high five.  So cute!

3.  I'm 30 years old and had to purchase teenage girl face scrub for zits.  I swear the bottle says 'Boys and parents stressing you out?'  Nope, just the universe playing a cruel joke on me.  (And this started before #5 happened... don't jump to conclusions.)

4.  I'm on the bone marrow donor registry (as everyone should be, click the link and do the right thing) and every few days they send me an email.  Every damn time I see the email address in my inbox I have a minor heart attack thinking that I'm a match.  I run through this wild scenario of rushing to the hospital and figuring out who's going to take care of the kids while I'm gone.  But it's just a friendly message, usually to remind me to take calcium supplements or something.  So stressful, though.

5.  Halloween.  I feel like I at least need to acknowledge it on the blog.  At some point I'll actually post pictures and all that, but in the mean time..... Halloween, we had it.  It was fun.  The girls were adorable.  In the evenings I've been making myself sick enjoying a candy or two (or twelve) with a glass of wine.  I need to find an organization that takes candy donations for the troops.  Either that or I need to just head to the mall and buy some new jeans about two sizes bigger than I am now to prepare for what's to come.

6.  Halloween candy + wine = tums.

7.  I'm addicted to ESPN radio.  I don't know why I started listening to it, but I did and now I can't stop.  I can tell you anything about any NFL game that's coming up. I can tell you how Suh's meeting with Roger Goodell went yesterday, I can tell you that Theo Epstein is looking at Francona for Cubs manager, I can talk about Manning possibly being traded by the Colts so they can pick up Andrew Luck in the draft....  I know too much, I feel like I'm breaking some kind of girl-code.  And I love it.

Back In The Saddle*

I have seriously neglected this blog the last couple of months.  I hate that.  I want to keep it going, it's an outlet for me and I enjoy doing it, but my life has been insane and I haven't had time to brush my teeth (I have been brushing, that's an exaggeration) let alone blog.  I'm going to try to get back on the saddle* and just open my mind see what comes out...

1.  A couple of weeks ago our nanny quit- again.  We had hired this nice young girl who the kids loved (but wasn't the sharpest crayon in the box) and she was doing a great job of keeping them entertained and not burning the house down.  One day out of the blue I got an email from her giving me the old 'It isn't you, it's me' line.  Who quits by email?!  Apparently nannies do because this is the second one in a row that took advantage of not having to show their face when they break up with me.  Here's the thing... I have wonderful children, and I'm not just saying that because I'm their mom, they really are respectful well behaved kids.  D isn't ever home, I know he's not the problem.  So I guess maybe it's me?  Was it too much to ask her to boil water for mac and cheese every now and then?  Was I asking too much to have her pick up play-doh off of the floor after the kids played with it so the dog wouldn't eat it and poop rainbow colors?  Apparently it was.  With my friends and families help I'm able to get through the end of the quarter and won't need to hire someone until after the holidays.  Someone send me a book on how to not hire a crappy nanny. Thanks.

2.  I'm taking Hungarian for my foreign language requirement- BECAUSE I'M A HUGE IDIOT!  It's so hard, I'm not even kidding.  The language isn't rooted in Latin and there are no correlations between the English and Hungarian language, so that's fun.  The only words that I can look at and know what they are immediately are telefon, komputer and ipod.  I'm 1/4 Magyar (Magyar=Hungarian for you non-Hungarian speaking dummies) and so I keep telling myself that if my people could speak this, I can speak it.  But then I come across a word like gyümölcs (fruit) and want to bang my head against the wall.  Of course slusszkulcs means car keys.  Of course it does.

3. Last but not least, we have a deployment coming up.  Obviously I'm not going to tell you when or where, but it's coming.  It was a surprise, and we aren't happy about it, but we're an Army family and so we'll deal with it just like all of the other military families do.  I've been super emo lately and I think that's added to not wanting to blog.  Mostly I want to sit and eat cheesy popcorn and feel sorry for myself... the cheesy popcorn came before the deployment, the feeling sorry for myself is new, though.  It's only been about a week since we found out, so I'm still processing it, but I'm getting better.  My friends and family have really been great, an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on.  Oh the fun of being a grownup.  D has been out training so we've had to do some things that we usually do as a family without him... go to church, carve pumpkins, pick apples, do laundry (I'm afraid of the basement, the loading and unloading of the washer is his job).  In a way it's good that we're doing these things without him because it gives us a taste of what the deployment will be like, but it's still not fun. 

So that's all for now, the first blog back in the saddle*.  I'm going to try to blog every day.  I know that won't actually happen, but I need to aim high.  Sorry to end this one on a semi-depressing note, but that's my life right now, semi-depressing.  Here's a cute kid picture to cheer you up...

G and Sammy

*How many times did I write 'back in the saddle' on this post?  That's so dumb, I never say that in real life. 

Where Have I Been? Cleaning Up Pee.

I've been in a bit of a blogging rut lately.  Usually when that happens I blog about random things and that helps me get back on track.  Here goes:

1.  D has been working crazy hours.  Last night he got home earlier than expected (about 10:30) and I was glad to see him... mostly. I had to stop watching Teen Mom.  Anyway, as soon as walked in the door G woke up crying.  She was having a bad dream and was totally out of it so I picked her up to try to calm her down.  She started peeing, all over me and the floor.  I caught as much pee as I could with my hand (go ahead, throw up, I don't blame you) while D stood there in his suit looking all panicked and I ran to the bathroom.  The toilet seat was down and with one hand full of pee, the other hand holding the pee-er, and D still trying to figure out what kind of a horror movie he walked in on, I couldn't get the seat up.  So I did what anyone in that situation would do- I let her pee in the sink.  It was disgusting,  I used various different products by the name of Clorox to clean up.  D went to get her clean PJ's and undies and somehow in his frazzled state he put C's undies on G.  This morning she went to the bathroom and I heard, "What da heck?  Why am I weawing C's undies?"

2.  G had her first full day (2.5 hours) of preschool yesterday.  She loves loves loves school, but hated the snack.  I'm still trying to figure out what exactly they had, but according to G it was teddy bears with cinnamon on it, and she didn't like it because the cinnamon was too "saucy".  Hmmm.  Regardless, she's looking forward to tomorrow and has requested that she be dressed in a collar shirt. 

3.  Last weekend was the big Red and White Army Ball, and was fab-u-lous.  Fabulous!  D is in a cavalry troop now, and this was the first cav ball that we've been to.  It was sooo different from any of the others, but in a good way!  They have lots of traditions that are unique to the cav and it was really fun for both of us to experience those for the first time together.  We're both looking forward to many (at least three) more years with the cav.

I brought along my flip video thingy and my camera to fully document the evening.  I proceeded to leave the flip in the hotel room and not put the memory card into the camera.  Sweet.  I got zero pictures of the whole night- so disappointing!  I tried to take pics with my iPhone but it doesn't have a flash so none of them turned out.  I wore this little number** (including the belt), paired with big vintage earrings, a killer vintage clutch and leopard shoes.  It was adorable, you just have to trust me on that.  D killed it in his uniform, naturally.

**Edit, the dress is now out of stock on Banana's website (naturally, the whole world reads this blog), so here's a picture:

The BEST part of the ball is always people watching.  You wouldn't believe what some of these women wear.  D has been in the Army for 11 years and we've been to quite a few balls.  I have a pretty good idea of how to dress appropriately.  Some of the young girlfriends (and wives) could use a crash course in what NOT to wear.  Yikes to boobs and glitter.

4.  Our dating anniversary was this weekend, September 11.  Not the best anniversary to have, but it's not a wedding anniversary, it's just the day that an awkward 17 year old said "Will you be my girlfriend?" on the street in front of my parents house. We had taken his nine month old sister to an all-you-can-eat buffet, and I (also 17) got to do my first finger sweep when she choked on a roll.  Good times.  Clearly he knew right then that I was wife material.  That was 13 years ago, and we're still finger-sweeping babies and eating at buffets... occasionally.  I celebrated our anniversary with a three hour solo trip to Ikea- it was lovely!

That's all for now, I think this broke me out of my anti-blog funk.  Now, show me some love in the comment section.  OH, one more thing I forgot!  I **might** be bringing in someone to guest post soon.  You should definitely be holding your breath!  Kthanksbye.