Typical

Today I was walking out of class and saw two men, both wearing a speedo, both on stilts, with hula hoops.  I wasn't brave fast enough to take a picture, but I think this about sums it up...

The guy on the right was bald.  This may or may not be important to you.

J Eats Crabs... And Other Stuff About Vacation

This is the official Vacation 2011 Recap.  I'm not going to tell you where we went because it's a super-secret-no-tourists-allowed spot and I don't want the internets to ruin it with a bunch of pale people with fanny packs and teenagers cruising the strip.  If you really want to know send me a message and I'll probably lie and tell you a different place. 

Here's how it went down:
We drove this year because G is two now so I would have had to pay for a plane ticket for her (not happening).  I was a wee bit nervous about how the kids would do in the car but was pleasantly surprised, they were traveling champions!  We left here at 3:45 am and got to our beach house at 6 pm, and each of them napped for a mere half hour in the car.  I'm not even joking.  But it wasn't too bad.  Lots of rot-your-brain Disney movies and melted crayons all over the new car seats, but no crying so I'm willing to take that trade.

The kids ruining my car

G hated the sand (much like her Daddy) and it took the whole week to get her comfortable to walk from our beach tent down to the water.  She loved the water, it was walking through the sand to get to the water that she hated.  She spent a lot of time in a baby pool on the beach, it was her rinsing place when the sand became too unbearable.

G in her "safe place"

C is a beach nut and loved every minute of everything that had to do with being at the beach, especially boogie boarding with Grandpa.  My poor dad was ready for a vacation from the vacation by the time the kids were done with him.

Again, Grandpa!  Again!  Again!  Again!  Again!

Both kids loved the pool.  G had a floaty suit and could swim float on her own.  C is a great swimmer and spent most of  the week with blood shot eyes from diving for rings without goggles on.  G especially enjoyed shooting people in the eye with water guns.  I tried to tell her not to, but she looked so innocent when she pointed it directly at your face.

Take that, Uncle M

G found a pair of sweet aviator sunglasses in the ocean that just happened to fit me perfectly!  They weren't scratched or anything and I figure they hadn't been floating out there for very long so I hurried and stuck them in my beach bag before one of our beach neighbors could come claim them.  I wore them on the drive home and got the worst headache.  Why would these gorgeous aves give me a headache?  Because they're prescription sunglasses.  Karma is a nasty thing.  And I'm still going to wear them.

C modeling my gift from the ocean

We ate at our favorite restaurant, and one not-so favorite one where my brother J tried to show my other brother M that it was okay to eat that crab whole.  "It's a soft shell crab.  You can eat that thing whole."  After five minutes of crunching and a bit of bleeding in the esophagus he determined that it was not, in fact, a soft shell.  Woops. 

One thing I learned this week was that if you have long articles on Chinese foreign relations to read for a class that you're taking, don't drink my dad's Caribbean Punch (that has four shots of rum before I added more because it didn't taste strong enough) with lunch right before you try to read.  I woke up two hours later with my head on the table, a permanent scar in my cheek from my wedding ring, and still on the first paragraph.

The week was great, the kids and I had a great time.  We missed D but he was home making the money to allow me to buy expensive dresses at the Michael Kors store.  Thanks, D.  Also, I'm really happy to be able to shower alone again.  I showered with the girls twice a day for six days and it wasn't my fav.  I'm probably going to have to go to the cancer machine tanning bed to keep up my sweet tan, it's a sacrifice I'm going to have to make though because let's face it, fat just looks better tan.  Easier than going to the gym!  Happy summer, y'all!

Friday Confessional

It's Friday, you know what that means!

Friday Confessional!

Sorry I haven't posted since last Friday, I've been a bit busy.  I'll catch everyone up with a few good posts this weekend.  In the meantime...

I Confess: The low point of my parenting career came this week as my sweet daughter G used me as a toilet while sitting in the ocean.  This week I have been peed on more times than I care to count.

I Confess: I bought the cutest Michael Kors dress this week, and it wasn't cheap.  I almost never buy expensive things for myself, so even though it fit into the vacation budget it still counts as a confession. 

I Confess:  If C doesn't sleep well tonight I think I'm going to pretend I can't hear her.  It's been FIVE DAYS since I've had a good nights sleep, and I have to drive for 15 hours tomorrow.  She is such a bad sleeper and not having D to take turns with this week has been rough.  She's five years old, time to sleep like a big girl.... or at least as well as the two year old.

I Confess: We saw a huge sting ray in the water today and I was all, "Look girls, it's a ray [conveniently omitting the sting part]!  Wow, isn't it pretty!  [Insert uncomfortable laugh] Come on, let's get out of the water now!"  All I could think about was how that was the last thing that Steve Irwin saw.

I Confess: I'm ready for vacation to be over.  I miss my husband and I miss my house.  I always think I want to try for a two week vacation one year, but I need to remember how day six of seven feels and remember that one week is enough.

OMG, I forgot the most important one!... Besides the human toilet...

I Confess:  I totally flashed this family next to us at the beach today.  I forgot that I was wearing a strapless suit that occasionally needs to be pulled on to make sure everything is in it's right spot.  Well, I got the girls a snack and took my coverup off to get in the water and- whoops!  Hellllooooo nice family next to us!  Sorry about the frontal nudity!

Friday Confessional

It's that time again!  Dun dun dunnn, the Friday confessional!  One rule- no judging me (especially the first one, it's a bad one).

I Confess: There is a girl in one of my classes and she looked soooo familiar but I couldn't place her.  And then it hit me.  She was on season 2 of 16 and Pregnant on MTV!!  I almost DIED!  I'm not going to be able to stop staring at her for the rest of the quarter.  I want to be her friend so I can be on the "where are they now" show.  As soon as class was over I called my trashy tv addict bestie R but she wasn't answering and I had to tell someone so I called D.  He was at work and didn't find it as shocking or amusing as I did, I believe he used the word "disturbing" to describe the phone call.  Whatevs.

I Confess: The people that work at the Disney store are so bizarre, I went in there yesterday to get a beach towel for G and the man child that worked there called me a princess.  Ick.

I Confess: We're leaving for the beach tonight (minus D who has to work) and this morning I walked in to the girls room as they were waking up and the first thing C said to me was, "Vacation today, holla!"  Where does she learn this stuff?  I don't say holla... that much.

I Confess: I think that C is going to be a really good artist, and I'm not saying that because I'm her mother.  She's really creative and the things that she draws are so funny.  You know how last week I told you that I'm obsessed with Jeni's?  Look what she drew for me (and cut out and taped to the fridge) this week:

Click on it to see where the design came from

I Confess: I've been up since 5am for no reason.  G woke up because her hand fell asleep and I think she accidentally punched herself in the face with it, and I couldn't get back to sleep.  Soooo, I watched this week's Housewives of NY aaaand Unseen moments from OC aaaand Million Dollar Decorators all before everyone got up this morning.  With all of my homework I think I'm going to have to get up at 5:00 every morning to get my Bravo fix.

I Confess: I almost bought a $150 dual dvd player for the car yesterday, but instead I bought a mount for the single portable one we already have and it only cost me $31.  Hollaaaaa!

College, Day 1

i.am.exhausted.

No capitals, that's how tired I am.  Today was my first day back to school and I'm thinking that with all of the walking and lack of time to eat I'll loose about 100 lbs this quarter.*  Approximately.  It was a great day and I think I'm going to like all of my classes.  One of the TA's brought donuts and the other said he'll bring them on Wednesday (after checking that none of us have nut allergies- he gets bonus points for that, the other girl could have killed someone with her peanut encrusted goodies today), so if that's a sign of how the quarter is going to unfold, it can't be bad, right?

Some observations that I have from my first day as a 29 year old college student:

1. Someone needs to teach young girls that using a colored pen (specifically purple or orange, both of which I saw today) makes you look stupid.  I'm going to assume you're stupid if you use a purple pen, that's just the way it is.

2. Someone needs to send the weather guys at NBC 4 back to school for a few classes on, oh, I don't know... PREDICTING THE WEATHER!  When they told me it would be 86 degrees today I dressed accordingly.  When it was 72 and rainy I froze my ass off.  Thanks a lot weather guys.

I'll have more observations to share with you as the days go on, but that's all for today.

The girls did well today.  C kind of freaked out when she got up and learned that I was "gone at college" because her reference to going to college is Andy in Toy Story 3 when he leaves all of his toys behind.  She was panicked.  D did his best to explain that I would be home and hadn't left them all behind, and this was further reinforced when I called her to say that I would be home after naps.  She was okay with that.

The best part of my day first day at school was the smiling and waving little faces as I pulled in the driveway... and this:

*I didn't eat the donuts, I don't take donuts from strangers.